Legends of Twitter, S1 E2 — “I’ve Never Been Fired, Honey”
Last time on Legends of Twitter, the ladies all were invited to a trip of a lifetime by Andy Cohen! Each lady arrived, not knowing who else would be arriving… As the ladies all got together, some were happy to see each other whilst others, we’re not as enthused… *Shows montage of Episode 1 and the cliffhanger between Devyn and Luciana*
The episode opens under the stars in the beautiful villa the legends are staying at in St. Tropez, France…
Luciana: STAY AWAY YOU BITCH. STAY. AWAY.
Devyn: Come here, let’s fix it then. Let’s fix it. BITCH.
Grace: GIRLS STOP THIS!
Producer: It’s not even the first dinner yet, calm yourselves down and get changed ready for the dinner please. Go now. Thank you.
Luciana’s Confessional: I’m already done with most of this cast. Dev, is just BLAHHH. Erica is here to just throw shit. And then Jac? I don’t even know who she is. Was she even on this show? I’m too good!
Devyn’s Confessional: I’m so hungry. It’s been a long long day. I tried to make light of Luci’s issues with me, but she’s still sensitive. I guess I’ll pull her aside and apologize properly at some point over the next few days. But let’s be honest, there’s nothing legendary about her.
Producers separate Devyn and Luciana as the scene ends and we see staff preparing the beautiful dinner the legends will enjoy outside under the stars. We see each lady getting changed and ready, when the cameraman accidentally enters Grace’s room without knocking…
Grace: I’M NAKED, HELLO? *poses* OH MY GOD *laughs*
Producer: Oh my god wow, okay guys knock first, okay!
Tre and Erica are then seen laughing in hysterics at producers. The scene then moves to Paulo lighting candles as the ladies enter…
Billie: WOW, GORGEOUS!!
Jac: TRE! As stunning as ever!
Grace: Jac, you are truly GORGEOUS!
The legends take a selfie together
Tre: I feel underdressed. *laughs* You all look amazing!
Erica: *looks Tre up and down* If that’s underdressed honey, I might need to step my game up *laughs* You all look so beautiful! Even you Luci girl!
Luciana: Yeah true, but Jac really? With the boobs out? Let’s class up Legends not bring it down!
The ladies all look in shock at Luciana
Tre’s Confessional: Someone’s looking like the Grinch that stole Christmas…
Jac: Oh they’re offending you Luciana? Blame my mother!
Grace: She’s jealous! Hers are like dried up peaches! Get them done already, you make more than I do from Ladies! *laughs*
Devyn: I love this petty ass group already
Luciana: WOW, You’re never gonna get this!
Jac: These boobies feed my children!
Erica flashes the group as Tre grabs them
Tre: They’re nice and firm too girl! I need to do something about mine because Nala loves some MILK! *laughs*
Tre’s Confessional: Nala loves mine! But Luci girl, they might be lop-sided and she has them out. One titty up here…one titty down here. *laughs*
Erica’s Confessional: When did Luci become the moral police? Isn’t her sister is an ex con, she drinks just to drink and she slept with a married man… deflection much, bitch?
Billie arrives late and blames her jetlag, as the ladies look at each other’s breasts some more, Paulo arrives… Paulo refreshes each ladies glass, and provides you all with a shot.
Billie: I paid lots of money for these lips and bobbies in definitely bring them out *flashes the girls* now that’s some 55 year old titties for you!!
Paulo: Ladies, before I bring our a special treat! Let’s have a toast? Now Erica I hear you’re the newest Lady of Twitter, so, let’s choose you! Toast away!
Grace: One season and already an ICON!
Erica: *stands up holding her glass* I just want to say regardless of any drama or past issues we have with each other, we made it! We’re here! And I love that I get to be surrounded by business women that are about their shit. Hunny we’re taking over the world. LEGENDS ONLY BITCHES *puts glass up*
All the ladies cheers and drink their drinks, along with a shot of TEQUILA
Jac’s Confessional: Wait… Erica’s only been on for one season and she’s here?! I need to catch up on Season 14 I think because… wow!
Paulo: Ladies, to kick off your dinner we have someone on the screen I will bring through to ask you a question we want you ALL to answer…
Paulo reveals a huge TV screen where it shows the shows logo, then, OG Lady of Twitter Tyler appears!
“Hi legends!!! I hope you’re all behaving yourselves! I know I wouldn’t be! I’m so sad I am not there right now, but to kick things off over there I have a question… We all think about our legacy in life, especially now on Legends of Twitter, but what do you think it truly takes to be a great cast member? And do you think anyone here isn’t a legend?
Tre: There goes that Tyler bitch!
Jac: MY TY TY!
Grace: Well I think the most legendary one is Tyler, so there’s that! I’ve never claimed to be a legend, unlike some of my co-stars!
Jac: Well girls, I think it’s important to be honest when you’re on a show like this. There have been too many ladies that I’ve worked with who turn up for the camera or fake receipts and photos. I think the second you start to play up for the cameras, you lose your legendary status
Devyn: Kinda shocked to admit it, but I wish Joshuaa Lime was here. And Tyler of course. I do think some aren’t legends though…
Luciana: YES! Those two are LEGENDS!
Billie: I would have to say for me, I think we are all legends in our own ways. Some are legends in the bed, some are legends in their businesses, and some are legends at drinking. So there’s that Tyler, you’d be so proud because I’d like to be messy right now.
Tre: I think a great cast member is one that’s transparent and I think there’s been only a few. Do I think I was the best? Maybe in terms of drama but there are things in my life that I do like to keep a bit private. I guess we’re all legends since we’re on Legends but I’m shocked some people are here. *smirks*
Luciana: What about one season wonders?
Grace: They aren’t legendary, sorry!
Tre: Is that directed at me, Grace?
Grace: NO! You’ve done two right?
Tre: It’s complicated *laughs*
Tre’s Confessional: Define a one season wonder. I mean I came back but I still left afterwards. *shrugs*
Devyn: It was directed at Erica, Tre.
Grace: No, Erica hasn’t been fired. Don’t put words in my mouth. I think a legend is someone who is loved and hated to be honest, that’s my answer!
Jac: Apart from Luci, Grace and Erica — I think everyone else here has been fired!?
Tre: I’ve never been fired. *sips*
Luciana: Erica, I don’t like you personally but you are a legend.
Erica: Awe thank you. I truly wish I could say the same.
Devyn: Was I technically fired after Season 7? Maybe, but it was more mutual than people believed.
Devyn’s Confessional: Who lied and told Luci she was a legend? LAWD, Devyn keep your mouth closed. CLIP IT BITCH.
Grace: I was almost fired after last season
Billie: OH MY GOD, I never knew what happened with you Jac?
Jac: I was glad to be fired at one point
Billie: So what happened down in the basement, I’m sure you all heard what happened up here *points to the olive branch on the floor*
Grace: Yeah, it was very upsetting.. ANYWAY. Nobody is the queen on this show, so many have been on and said that they’re the best but, it’s an ensemble!
Erica: I agree!
Jac: The wine was good. Tre reminded me the last we interacted I called him a whore and ended up getting suspended off Twitter social media
Tre: I’m not sorry. I’m glad we’re good now Jac. *laughs*
Jac: Oh I’m not sorry about it either.
Devyn: ANYWAY… So Luci isn’t a legend.
Luciana: Well, I’ve never been fired honey.
Billie: You girls are all coming down on Luci so hard. Why? Is there something I’m missing to the puzzle?
Grace: They’re both mad because producers wouldn’t fire either of them after last season! Even though Devyn didn’t even turn up to the reunion.
Devyn: Oh I don’t need anyone to be fired Grace. She’s just boring.
Grace: You call a lot of the girls boring though Devyn, so speak up! What makes someone on ladies not boring??
Tre: Who is this Devyn and why is she on Luciana’s neck? I may have to stan.
Devyn: I don’t call a lot of ladies boring. Just you and Luci.
Grace’s Confessional: Devyn calls me boring a lot, and I have to be honest. I feel the same way about her.
Grace: If any of us were boring then we wouldn’t be here
Devyn: Grace, you are boring honey.
Grace waves off Devyn’s statement and laughs
Tre’s Confessional: This group is honestly unique and different than the group I’ve filmed with before. They are literally in an uproar over who is boring. I sat next to Andy twice so that wasn’t my fight because I know I bring entertainment. THANK YOU!
Grace: I know I bring the heat, soooo. *arms up*
Jac: Hold on, how did we get to being called boring
Billie: Well Grace, didn’t you replace someone on this trip?
Luciana: This is a cute gang up *Luciana gestures to Devyn and Billie then herself and Grace*
Erica: Luci, you feel like it’s a gang up?
Billie: Why don’t we all go around the table and say something we’ve done on the show that’s legendary?!
The table goes quiet…
Jac: Personally, I think you’re all boring and the show should be called Legends of Jacqueline Carter
All the ladies laugh
Tre: Bitch, you got a spin-off!
Jac: It was cancelled, Andy called me and said we’re actually losing money having you on the air. It’s all good, I work better in a group.
Billie’s Confessional: I’m starting to wonder if this group is really legends or if we are all women going through mid life crisis on a trip together…
Jac: Grace could have a spin-off, sexless and the city!
Grace: EXCUSE ME I have a lot of sex thank you!
Luciana: Yeah, with your shower head
Grace: Oh stop!
Tre’s Confessional: Luciana seems very…stuck up. I know she’s the grandmother of the group but if she wants to be with people her age, they have retirement homes.
Billie: Should we head to the club?
Erica’s Confessional: Day One Analysis. This trip is Ladies of Twitter on steroids, between the moral police, being called boring and the feistiness that all these ladies bring. You bitches are in for a treat. So get your popcorn and rest those feet because the show, well the show is just beginning hunny.
The ladies continue to laugh as the scene and the evening ends and we see each Legend enter their room and head to sleep…
The next day arrives and we see the ladies waking up and enjoying a quick breakfast. Tre, Grace, Erica and Jac head out early for a yacht experience, as Billie waves them off…
Billie: Enjoy girls, mama has to work away this morning so I’ll catch you up when you’re back! Swim with a dolphin for me!
The ladies arrive to their boat experience…
Jac’s Confessional: I’m excited for todays little excursion. I’m not entirely sure what the other girls are up to but a yacht day is right down Jacqueline’s street.
Producer: Down your street?
Jac: Yeah? Like something I’d love.
Producer : Oh you mean up your street.
Jac: *laughs* Up. Down. In. Out. I’m going to love it *laughs*
Grace: So how did everyone sleep? I’m so tired! I’m feeling kinda cranky.
Grace’s confessional: I’m so tired after last night, but here we are and we’re filming and there’s no breaks. But it’s a yacht and I was thinking of buying one sooo, let’s do it!
Tre: I feel so bad for saying this but I slept so good. *laughs* There was no worries about the kids, Mike, the family…it felt good.
Erica: This is stunning girls!
Producer: Ladies we’re here and we have cameras all over the boat so just do what you do best and film away! Pretend we’re not here!
Grace: Okay but can we just like get going? I’m tired I just wanna start this, I don’t wanna be on this thing all day… we had to wait around for ages and we’re late getting here it’s just annoying!
Tre: Umm, okay?
Jac: What’s this bee in your bonnet Miss Grace? You’ll get used to waiting around for some of these legends that’s for sure.
Jac’s Confessional: I’d ask if it were her time of the month but you know *pauses* she’s like… old.
Producer: Grace, stop moaning — we have coffee and all the food you would want so please just do your thing and we can be done!
The boat leaves port and we see the stunning sea surrounding the ladies
Grace: Alright sorry. So girls tell me, what seasons did you both do? *gestures to Jac and Tre*
Tre: I did Season 2 and none of the ladies are here from that season but I did do Season 7 with good old Jacqueline here.
Tre’s Confessional: Jacqueline was a sweet and innocent girl back then. Girl how times have changed. *laughs*
Jac: I met you through Paul though, do you remember?
Tre: YES! On RHOYouTube, at the wedding! Sweet memories!
Erica: So girls, what did we think of our first time together yesterday?
Grace: It was amazing!
Tre: I thought it was quite interesting, the dinner was a bit intense for me though.
Grace: I didn’t like the who’s a legend and who isn’t talk, we all bring so much to the show or have done in the past, we’re here for a reason ya know? Our ratings right now are huge, Erica and I are on it, you two aren’t anymore so — we’ve all done our bit.
Jac: I found it hilarious *laughs*
Tre: I mean, without us you two wouldn’t be on a show at all! Our ratings were huge too! And we’ve all filmed with Devyn, so we know what she’s like, but you guys haven’t with Billie?
Jac: Our Billie loves to add a fan to the flame
Grace: She’s a bit of a troublemaker I think!
Erica: She’s interesting…
Grace: We hit 2 million last season, what did you guys hit when you were on?
Tre: So did we! I mean, Grace… if we’re being honest, you and Luci were both acting like spoilt brat’s. If you both were on a season when we were on, you’d have been eaten alive!
Grace: Eat me! I’m just shooting from the hip!
Jac: Now, now. On roleplay, now you have like a million shows, but back in the day it really was only us, RHOT and the YouTube girls!
Erica: YouTube was before Ladies?
Tre: YouTube was a few months before ladies but my point is the success of our season on Ladies is what caused you to be here.
Tre’s Confessional: I’ve been here for a minute. I started out as a Housewife on YouTube, became a lady, went back to being a Housewife, and returned as a Lady. After my final gig on Ladies, I stayed in Twitter and now I have a family. Grace is new to this…
Grace: I don’t see how I was a brat last night… I think we have a very special show, I want this one to be even better. I’m sorry.
Jac: I will say, I don’t know how you girls still do it. I hung up my boots a long time ago and I’ve never been happier. Right now, the roleplay community is so different to what it once was
Tre: I’m here because Season 1 did well. Jac is here because Season 2 did well and it just goes down the line. So at the dinner when you and Luciana got offended, I didn’t quite understand why…
Grace: *shrugs* I appreciate that and haven’t said you guys don’t bring the legacy.
Jac: Tre, would you ever go back?
Producer: WE ASK HER ALL THE TIME *LAUGHS*
Tre: I think that ship for me has sailed. I’m in a different space in my life but never say never I guess. *laughs*
Tre’s Confessional: Listen, when I was on Ladies, I brought the drama and there’s some situations that I do regret and I’m not proud of. Me accusing Joshuaa of faking a pregnancy was not right for me to do nor revealing that Billie was in a abusive relationship with Harry. I feel during my seasons, I was such a mess and I’m in such a better place now and I wouldn’t want to jeopardize that.
Grace: You are the epitome of a lady of twitter, to me!
Grace’s Confessional: I’m not sure why Tre is coming at me so hard, after last night? Maybe I had a couple too many but I really think her focus should be on Luciana. Tre is a star, always has been and always will be!
Grace: I just think now you get a lot of people on the cast who want to cause issues. Kathy and Elle, and others made our last season so dark! I don’t know how we survived! Erica you saved last season I think.
Tre: Ladies has been through much worse, trust me!
Grace: Oh and speaking of legacy, I bumped into Joshuaa Lime at an event and she was serving her Lemon drinks? DISGUSTING!
Tre: *laughs* Lime drinks
Erica: Going back to season 14, There, I have to object a bit. It was definitely very dark, but I think everyone contributed to the darkness. Everyone was worried about being heard but wasn’t hearing anyone else.
Jac’s Confessional: I really haven’t kept up to date with what’s going on on the show, so I’m kind of just sipping on my little Bloody Mary *laughs* I do see some things on social media but I generally just keep swiping
Grace: Well, I made it nice as Luci says and I’m in a better place with Kathy and hopefully one day Elle too.
Tre: *sips* Luci should try making things nice with other people…
Jac: Luci has an obsession with breasts huh?
Grace: Luci is very troubled. Her husband died on camera practically remember, so give her a break girls.
Tre: She’s very judgmental
Grace: She can be! Everyone on this trip can be though.
Jac: Aren’t we all just a black robe and gavel away from being judge Judy! That’s one of the fundamental parts of being a lady of Twitter. Being judgmental as fuck *laughs*
Erica: I think Grace, as her friend and all. Maybe, you should talk to her. We’re all here to have fun and even though I can’t stand that broad, she needs all the vacation and fun she can get.
Grace looks puzzled
Grace: I just don’t know what to say to her anymore. We were surprised she even did last season to be honest. She needs a break and I’m tired of making excuses for her, that’s not legendary Tre is it!?
Jac’s Confessional: *looks around and laughs* Poor Luci is busy. How she has time to have rubbed so many of the girls up the wrong way in 24 hours is pretty phenomenal to me. Now that’s a talent *laughs*
Tre’s Confessional: It’s quite interesting to see Grace say she’s tired of making excuses for Luciana but when she’s with Luciana that’s all she does. Is she an enabler? You tell me…
Erica’s Confessional: I just… *laughs*
Tre: We jut need to pray for her.
Jac: I’m not a big prayer, there are only a few reasons I like to get on my knees and prayer isn’t one of them!
Erica: I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT!
Grace: You are naughty! I knew I liked you! I need some sex! Erica is newly married, how’s that all going?
Erica: Marriage feels like nothing. Nothing has changed and I’m hoping it stays that way *nervously laughs*. We’re still in that honeymoon phase. And Grace, I think Paulo is single
Grace: God, I was married for 26 years and now I don’t know how I did it!
Tre: Mike & I were tested even before we got married but this marriage is different. This is my third one technically. I consider it my second. *laughs*
Jac: Marriage is hard! You know when it’s right!
Jac: Anyway, let’s get into that stunning water!
Jac and Grace both jump into the sea as Tre grabs Erica
Tre: Girl I don’t know how you did it with Grace and Luci but I’m definitely going to ask the real questions at this lunch later…
As Tre and Erica jump into the sea also, the scene ends…
As the camera pans across stunning St Tropez, we see Luciana and Devyn in their SUV, both not speaking and on their phones as they head shopping…
Producer: Okay ladies, we’re gonna head over here, there’s some stores. Lord help the people of St Tropez today!
Luciana’s Confessional: One of the last people on this trip that I want to be solo with is Dev. I don’t want to talk to her, she doesn’t want to talk to me. But this is Legends, and legends gotta film together.
Luciana: It’s a beautiful day!
Devyn’s Confessional: It’s been a pretty relaxing morning laying by the pool. I’ve definitely had some time to get my head together. I guess some shopping will help too, so what the hell!
Both ladies begin walking around the town awkwardly
Devyn: So I know we don’t do small talk, but let’s try because clearly what we’ve been doing isn’t working. Season 14 was rough for us and now this isn’t how I wanted things to go, let’s talk. I’m a vegan btw. I had vegan bacon for breakfast.
Luciana: Well we won’t get anywhere if we aren’t held accountable. Vegan bacon is a thing? cool. *looks away* SO let’s just do this scene okay, it’s what they’re wanting *points to the cameras* What’s your deal with me?
Devyn: There’s a little cafe there, let’s go get a cafe fresco and chat.
Both ladies order their refreshment and producers prompt them some more…
Producer: C’mon girls, this isn’t going to be dragged into Ladies for another season, let’s sort this out!
Luciana: So, is this me being boring and not a legend?
Devyn: *sips drink* That seems to be the one. Why does it bother you so much? People have said such worse things in this group.
Luciana: What bothers me is what you say about me in the press.
Devyn: I didn’t and don’t do anything like that about you. I kept picking because it bothered you. Did I lie?
Luciana: IT’S NOT THE POINT! When is enough with you?
Devyn: You talk a lot of shit when the cameras roll and when they don’t! The dynamics of this isn’t working with me. Just own it.
Luciana: *laughs* I own everything bitch.
Luciana’s Confessional: She really is a nut job. Like a squirrel on a hunt.
Devyn: A hot dog with a collar and bitch you are BARKING
Luciana: I have no idea what you’re saying. You’re a nightmare to work with and you hurt our season last year, with no reason as to why.
Devyn: Here’s the thing, mental health is real baby. I wasn’t around enough last season for you to say that.
Luciana: I feel bad for you producers for dealing with her
Devyn: Matter of fact, I haven’t had a conversation with you really in 8 months. I didn’t attend the premier or the reunion. So your opinion of my work attitude is a flawed one. I’ve been on the show seven seasons. You’ve known me for maybe a year. I don’t think they need your pity or unwarranted advice. They know me better than you ever will, Miss ONE SEASON WONDER.
Luciana: You were nervous to do the reunion, I get it. Pathetic.
Devyn: Nervous about what? Bitches don’t make me nervous. Not a single one of y’all could whip my ass with your words or your hands.
Luciana gets up and begins to walk away…
Luciana: I’m done with this, we’re done filming.
Devyn: You’re not a legend. You’re always done with something. COWARD! You are pissed off at me about the TRUTH, but not yourself for being a home wrecker. Get your own man and stop messing with the men of others. OWN YOUR SHIT, and take your issue with the truth and shove it up your self righteous ass.
Producer: Sort this out now, ladies
Luciana: You have your truth and I have mine, I have no interest in fighting with you anymore.
Devyn: Fair enough. You know you deserve better in life right?
Luciana: I’m a work in progress. *begins to cry* I just can’t be fighting like this anymore, I can’t. I’m not strong enough. Maria was coming to yours to fight you though.
Devyn: I wish someone would fight for me like that! The truth is I was in treatment for my mental health when the reunion was taped. Going there on such a dark season would have set me back.
Luciana: Wow. I’m so sorry. Do you think this is the end for you on Ladies then?
Devyn: The producers and crew were amazing and I’m so happy to be here for Legends. I hope to come back for Season 15 to redeem myself. The show has saved my life, in so many ways. I want to start fresh, can we start fresh?
Devyn’s Confessional: It’s been a tough time, there’s a lot you don’t see that goes into making these shows. I needed to skip the reunion and I did and producers accommodated me. I’m very thankful.
Luciana: I need it and I think you need it. Who wants enemies, I don’t!
Devyn: I’m sorry for hurting you.
Luciana: I accept and I’m sorry too.
Producers cheer as the two FINALLY hug and embrace, as the scene ends.
As the women all return to the house, Paulo welcomes them all back and confirms that dinner is within the hour, hosted by Tre and after dinner drinks will follow with a huge surprise, Tre tells the ladies to dress GLAM…
Luciana’s Confessional: What a day!!! I just got back from meeting with Devyn, and now I need to sit through a meal with some friends and bimbos.
Tre: *is seen checking herself out in the mirror* Now I can’t have these ladies outshining me tonight. The category is glam and glam they shall receive from The Good Sis. *walks down and checks on the setup for dinner and see Paulo* Now Mr. Paulo I’m happy to see you understood the assignment with the setup and all, but most importantly, I’m happy to see you step out for the ladies. You know the older ladies don’t get much action and then others are having a drought. *laughs*
Paulo: Yes yes my gorgeous, it’s all sorted!
Billie: Hello hello!
Tre: Miss Reed! Miss Reed! She got it! She got it! I missed you earlier but you definitely made up for it!
Billie’s Confessional: After being in meetings all morning I have finally closed my deal with a huge network, as much as I had FOMO it was totally worth it. Plus I got more time than the other girls to get ready, and I’m giving Glam!
Grace: *walks in* Oh my goodness, this is stunning! Tre, Paulo amazing job! I’m so ready for a glam time!
Grace’s Confessional: I’m out of my mood thank god and I’m ready for a nice evening with the girls, although I have a feeling a couple things are about to come to a head, that boat had some tension…
Tre: Thank you Grace! I’m glad to see you’re in a much better mood! *laughs* There’s no seating arrangement so please sit anywhere you’d like!
Luciana: Grace let’s sit here!
Erica: Hello ladies!
Jac’s Confessional: After a relaxing day on a gorgeous yacht, I’m excited for tonight’s dinner. Tre has put this cute little affair together, so I definitely have high hopes.
Jac: Hello legends! *looks at Billie*
Jac’s Confessional: Some would say Billie looks like a ray of sunshine. Others nights say say, she looks like big bird but then again fashion is subjective
Producer Tom: Okay legends we have a long night of filming, please sit and enjoy and let everyone talk okay? Billie, your mic is off let’s turn it on and Erica you need to move a little to the left for the camera now *laughs* okay! Let’s go!
Grace: So, Devyn and Luci, all good?
Devyn: Good Grace. Luci and I didn’t kill each other.
Erica: *moves a little to the left and looks at the camera* We good? So Billie why you miss today?
Billie: Girls I’m sorry, I had to miss. I was on the phone with a network about a potential opportunity.
Jac: No no I am uplifting her! Billie is a television personality! She needs all the jobs!
Billie’s Confessional: Let’s not let my opportunity turn into drama. I genuinely think all the girls are happy for me so that’s all that matters! Maybe except Jac. As per.
Luciana’s Confessional: I have heard that Jac was difficulty to work with behind the scenes, and it just shows me right now how negative she actually is.
Grace: For season 15? *giggles*
Devyn: Has anyone heard about Season 15?
Luciana: Time for a shake up!
Grace: Andy told me it’s taking a break!
Tre: Okay okay ladies, I actually have a question for the table… Do some of you ladies think you’re meant to be friends?
Luciana: What does that mean?
Grace: I’ve known Luci for 21 years so I’d say yes!
Devyn: Um, we aren’t all meant to be friends. Where’s the entertainment in that?
Billie: I don’t think I will leave here being friends with everyone, I don’t think Jac and I have ever really talked out the issues we had years ago so I would say probably Jac, but the rest of you ladies I am growing to love!
Jac: *ignores Billie* Friends? Well I’ve only met three of these girls so friendship is a big word!
Jac’s Confessional: Do Billie and I have some unresolved issues from seasons past? Yes. Is tonight the night to bring it all up? No. Not whilst I’m in a hot dress being served cocktails by Mr Paolo at a dinner paid for by Tre. I’ll ruin someone else’s dinner with our mess
Devyn: Luci and I made up, so I’d say we’re friends! Jac and Billie’s relationship can be summed up in your nearest dumpster fire.
Grace: Yeah but is it real or for these *motions to the cameras*
Grace’s Confessional: I find it hard to believe those two made up, they never really had a real reason to fallout to begin with so I never really got why they were in such a bad place to be honest. It seems forced and fake.
Grace nudges Erica…
Grace: We’re good right?
Erica: Yes friend. *smiles* Luci, do you think it’s a genuine new friendship with Devyn?
Tre’s Confessional: I just think some of the ladies, the newer ones, aren’t being honest…
Luciana: I think so.
Grace: Why do you ask that Tre?
Tre: Well the reason I asked that question was because of you Grace if I’m being completely honest
Dramatic music begins to play, as Grace looks confused and downs her wine
Grace: Excuse me?
Billie: Looks like I missed something on that boat…
Luciana: Here we go!
Erica’s Confessional: I knew this was coming and I was waiting for it. We always need a little Spice at dinner *giggles*
Tre: Well on the yacht today you said you were tired of making excuses for your friend but now you’re saying how the two of you have been good friends for 21 years. *laughs*
Grace: You girls were basically attacking her and I said I understood both sides. I can’t be in the middle.
Tre: We weren’t attacking her. We were saying how her attitude was very off-putting. You also said you don’t know why she returned to the show after her husband passed
Jac: Erm hello, I didn’t say anything about her
Tre: You said verbatim “I can’t keep making excuses for her.”
Grace’s Confessional: Tre? What is happening here? Am I the drama now? Jesus
Billie’s Confessional: WHAT THE FUCK did I miss. I take one zoom call and I miss out on a whole excursion full of drama!!
Jac: I just said she’s rubbed most of us the wrong way and left a bad taste in our mouth but we’ve all had bad tastes in our mouths
Grace: Well I can’t, she’s a grown adult
Devyn: Jeez, that was shitty Grace
Grace: Devyn, just stop.
Luciana: Thanks Grace.
Grace stands up…
Grace: Well, excuse me, I say it all to her face.
Jac’s Confessional: Why is she standing? Back in my day, when you stand at a dinner table, people are throwing glasses and slapping each other *flashback to our trip in Norway on season 6*. Ahh good times
Tre: But you said you see both sides? Do you see how that looks two faced?
Grace: How is that two faced? You clearly don’t watch the show anymore. Too busy getting into other people’s business maybe?
Erica: Well Grace talking about your friend of 21 years to complete strangers is a character flaw honestly. Just saying.
Luciana’s Confessional: I’m not surprised.
Grace: We’re on a show where we talk about things.
Luciana: Erica, you shut the fuck up *begins to cry*
Erica: NO, YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP
Grace: Okay, Luci I said it yes but it’s out of love. You’re an asshole sometimes, like we all are and thanks Erica, real good of you there, friend.
Luciana: I forgive you Grace, only because you’re an asshole too
Tre’s Confessional: Grace’s antics can work with the new ladies but I’m no rookie. Don’t do that…don’t do that to me Miss Grace.
Grace’s Confessional: I don’t really understand what Tre is trying to do, I know she’s not been around our show for a while so maybe she’s trying to have her moment. I mean she’s on like every show possible so, I’m not sure why. Luci and I have each other’s number, okay?
Jac: Someone’s crying!
Luciana: Leave me alone Jac!
Billie: Girls, tonight is not the night. I don’t think. Clearly we have an upset person here!! Let’s just stop beating the dead horse.
Erica’s Confessional: *makes a sad face* boohoo. I know the girl is in diapers but girl… your age is 60 not 6 months.
Paulo: Okay ladies, we need to change the direction of this evening okay okay? So we have another question from another Lady of Twitter who has certainly turned heads…
Paulo brings in the infamous TV screen…
Hi Legends! It’s OG Joshuaa Lime here all the way from London, UK! Now, I’m sad I won’t be there with you all but listen I have some sour limes on the way for you all to taste, a staple for each cast dinner during my time on the show *laughs and sips* Now I’ve made a lot of booboos on the show during my 9 seasons, so, my question is… What do you regret most about your time on the show? Byeeeee!
Tre: Not Miss Lime!
Devyn: I knew Lime bikes would make a cameo!
Jac: Oh Joshuaa!! What a treat!
Jac’s Confessional: Yes, Joshuaa and I have made up. We’re actually really good friends. I still can’t stand the taste of that sour concoction she shoves down our throat but she’s in a much better place which I’m really happy about. She was going to be on this actually, but her time in RP is over.
Grace sips a sour lime and chokes
Grace: FUCK! It’s like bleach!
Tre side eyes Grace
Devyn: I only regret one thing. Not telling Tyler I was sleeping with and dating his ex husband until we were nearly engaged. Tyler was mad mad.
Luciana: My regret was when I threw Elle in the ocean, but she so deserved it!
Jac: I saw that on a highlight, that was iconic!
Grace: I started my first season totally wrong, I said and did some wrong stuff towards Elle and I’ll forever regret it to be honest. It was a catalyst for so much more and I truly am thankful now she’s left the shoe we’re in a better place.
Tre: One of my regrets is when I first joined the show during Season 2 and accused Joshuaa of faking a pregnancy. That wasn’t okay for me to do at all and I’m sorry that I caused her tremendous pain during that time. My second regret is actually hurting you Billie during Season 7 when I revealed that you were in an abusive marriage with Harry. As your friend, I was out of line and again, it was nice my place to reveal something so painful on a public platform.
Billie: I would say my biggest regret as a lady would how i physically assaulted some of the cast members during my time on the show!
Devyn: Season 7 was a tough one for Billie
Billie’s Confessional: Season 7 was awful for me! I am not anywhere near that person anymore and I am thankful this show, showed me my horrendous behavior.
Jac: I would say my biggest regret was coming back to the show on Season 10, I didn’t like some of the cast.
Erica: I don’t think I have any regrets yet ladies *stirs drink* maybe meeting and befriending some of the people of my cast but that’s neither here or there.
Grace: You’re hinting a LOT Erica
Devyn: Where is the food?
Jac’s Confessional: It’s funny how Devyn hasn’t learned after all these years that dinner doesn’t mean dinner. Dinner means drinks with a side of drama and belligerent behavior
Tre: So I found out something today, There is a lady in this group that may or may not have something to hide… It could be a coincidence or maybe not.
Dramatic music begins to play, Grace rolls her eyes and the other ladies look confused
Tre: This lady sitting at this table is beautiful and has blonde hair…
Billie: Okay so that’s Jac, Luci, Devyn and Grace
Jac: Just show you know, I’m not a natural blonde, I would show you but I just had a bikini wax!
Grace: Luci has a bush! I saw it!
Luciana: I have to keep the beaver warm!
Tre: She has a twin also…
Grace: So Tre, who is it? It’s obviously me.
Tre: Never mind! *sips*
Grace’s Confessional: *looks confused* Sooo, you pick on me, then you try to say something else that is clearly aimed at me and my sister who was on the show in Season 6? Maybe I don’t know the Tre I see off the show. I’m learning a lot tonight. It’s mean.
Producer: Okay ladies let’s switch gears here, let’s dance!
Paulo: *puts music on and rips his shirt off* Okay my beauties who wants to dance with me?
Grace: Can I just lick him?
Jac: I want to do that too
Devyn’s Confessional: These horny ass bitches act like they haven’t seen a good looking man since their daughters brought on home.
Erica’s Confessional: I’m a married woman and I don’t act a fool for nobody except Robert Dalio HIMSELF. What I look like making this stranger laugh and he works for US. I’ll let these thirsty sugar mamas have him. They need the entertainment anyways.
Luciana: Hold on! *Types on phone* HIT IT! *Toxic by Britney Spears begins playing from luci’s phone* Here we go! *Luci begins to attempt to dance sexual. She then tries taking off her undies but ends up falling over and laughs* I can try and break dance but might need help getting back up!
We see a montage of the ladies dancin’ and groovin’, when they all sit down again near a fire, Jac asks a devilish question…
Jac: Hey Luci, quick question. Grace told us that your husband died or you killed him or something. Is any of that true?
Luciana: WHAT? My Vinny?!
Grace: NO! I said he basically died on camera, Poor guy, he made such a nice lasagna
Jac: Grace said you killed him! Didn’t she Tre?
Billie: Oop! WE HAVE A MURDERER AMONG US! *laughs*
Tre: *looks at Jac in shock* I don’t think she said Luci killed him. I think she said he died…
Grace: Wow here’s the bitch Billie told me about, Bitchy Jac has arrived!
Luciana: *points at Jac* HOW DARE *hiccups* YOU LIL GURLSZ
Jac: Well I apologize yes, I thought she said it?
Jac’s Confessional: I really misheard, my bad.
Erica: Grace you kinda gave her the ammo for it
Grace: What are you on Erica? Seriously.
Luciana slowly walks closer to Jac
Luciana: How DARE YOU! TRASH! STOP! ENOUGH!
Luciana slaps Jac around the face, as she does, all the ladies gasp and Paulo jumps into the middle of them, Jac falls into her seat
Jac: Oh my god! Did she just slap me!
Jac’s Confessional: She’s crazy, demented, needs help. Like who does that? Who hits people? And on my good side too? Bitch!
Luciana: CLASSLESS, Talking about my gusband’s death?
Erica: LADIES LADIES LADIES, NO!
Tre: We don’t get physical!
Tre’s Confessional: Oh Luciana, you have NO idea what you have just started
Jac: Am I bleeding? Producers! Producers!
Luciana: *Grabs mic pack* I’m done with this. No one defends me??
Grace: LUCIANA! Don’t go!
Erica: *starts laughing* I’m so sorry I’m just shocked
Luciana: *Mic pack is swinging and Luci can’t figure out how get the pack off.* Gracie, you sealed your fate with me. This is your fault
Grace chases after Luciana
Grace: They’re mixing my words!
Luciana: I’ll mix you! How dare you! Don’t touch me! *grabs Grace and pushes her*
Grace: Don’t grab me, you’re hurting me! Don’t blame me for your bad behavior Luci, I won’t take it! Not anymore.
Luci: *pretends to cry* boohoo boohoo! You are a disgusting person, you are an utter disgrace to your daughter. Nobody here likes you and you’re in need of a facelift.
Grace: Come closer and say it, push me again, DO IT. I covered for you last season, I won’t do it anymore. You are not my friend, clearly. You are disgusting *looks at the cameras* she should be fired.
Jake: GIRLS. STOP THIS. STOP!
Tre: Is this what yours season was like Erica?
Erica: Every damn day!
Jac, now crying throws her mic pack at a camera…
Jac: Are you all happy? There’s your fucking show
Grace: Tre, why did you do this to me? What is your problem?
Tre: Wait a minute Grace. Do NOT put this on me. I said what I had to say at the dinner but in regards to what happened just now, you’re not going to place that blame on me.
Grace: You like mess and you created it tonight!
Tre’s Confessional: Jac took that upon herself to say Luciana was a murderer. I was simply calling out Grace being a hypocrite. It’s not like it hasn’t been said before.
Producers are seen scrambling with both Luciana and Jac
Luciana: This is my final act. You crossed me.
Luciana’s Confessional: This is all too much for me. I thought this would have been a nice trip with girls that have something in common. Instead this turned into little girlies gone wild.
As the ladies tipsily end the night, shocked and tired, we see Luciana refuse to film, as she cries in her bedroom…
Producer: We think you need to head back home. Okay?
Luciana: I want a break, okay.
The next morning arrives and we see all the ladies eating breakfast…
Erica: A crazy morning, like I didn’t like expect it.
Grace: Go figure.
Jac: I just don’t want a bruise on this face.
Devyn: I’m just over the dramatics
Billie: Some things never change huh ladies
Producer: So ladies, we’re all packed and ready to head to the next legendary destination! We may also have a little surprise waiting for you, as we head to IBIZA, SPAIN!
The ladies cheer.
Jac: My second home!
Erica: What’s the special surprise?
Producer: It’s not a what, but a who…
The screen fades to black, as we see someone’s heels walk towards their confessional chair, we see a producer hand her a coffee, and as dramatic music plays as we see her sit down…
Brian Social sits down in the confessional chair!
Brian’s Confessional: So, you guys needed a true Legend to fill in? You know I’ll bring a show! So where we heading next? *winks*
Dramatic music plays as the episode ends…