Season 13, Episode 11: “Apologies and Invitations”

As the episode begins, we hear upbeat music as we see shots of Twitter as a new day begins. We see shots of the Twitter skyline, followed by a glimpse at people rushing down the Twitter streets. The camera then shifts and we see Kathy and her mother sitting on the couch of their home as the scene begins…

Kathy’s Confessional: Today is my mother’s birthday and I decided to take her out for her birthday but before we go out I need to talk to her about the ladies, my business, and just my relationship with James!

Kathy: Mom, I am in here in the living room. Come have a seat before we go out tonight. I feel like I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to you in so long.

Margaret: Darling I know! You’ve been pretty much been busy with your new group of friends and work. James and I hardly ever see you anymore!

Kathy: Mom, I am working to keep the lights on in here. Why do I feel so criticized by you for simply busting my ass and keeping that lights on in your house too?

Kathy’s Confessional: My entire life with my mother has been a challenge. I got a full ride to Yale University and she was disgusted that I only got it from Yale and not other universities. *starts to tear up* I’m a 53 old woman who still feels belittled by her mother and it isn’t fair.

Margaret: Kathy, I am just saying we don’t see you anymore. I just want my daughter more present with me, because you never know when my last day may be.

Kathy: Mom, I don’t even wanna think about that right now. Don’t say that! I want to talk about how my business is doing and how this group of friends are.

Margaret: What’s going on with them?

Kathy: So I’ve got my group of friends. You remember Luciana Donatella right? She’s friends with this horrendous hag named Grace Whitworth. I just can’t seem for the life of me to get along with her. I’ve tried having her over here to talk, the way she was acting in Wyoming put a sour taste in my mouth forever. I just don’t know how to move on and be cordial with her. She just is full of daggers.

Margaret: Oh honey your mom has experienced many Grace’s in her lifetime. I actually know Grace Whitworth. She’s only a few years younger than I am, right? *laughs* But no, our financial advisor Matt has told me about how much of a nightmare she was when she was working with him. He also told me she owes hundreds of thousands of dollars to the IRS.

Kathy: Grace is too vile to have such big, ugly skeletons in her own closet. I think we need to have you come meet the girls sometime. Perhaps I’ll host a Mother’s luncheon where we can see everyone’s background.

Margaret: Kathy darling, your Momma is more wiser than she lets on. Enough with these ladies! How is your business doing?

Kathy: Everything is going very smoothly over in Irvine Collections. I’ve closed a deal with Neiman-Marcus launching my handbag line in all their department stores. It’s a huge deal and fixing to change my life drastically! I’m actually fixing to bring on a whole new team in order to be successful in Neiman’s. *checks watch* Well, I think we have starved poor James sitting here talking about everything. Let’s go ahead and go celebrate your birthday with a fabulous dinner! I love you Mom *hugs*

As the two stand up from the couch, the camera quickly shifts to Elle, who we see pull up outside her home as the scene begins…

Elle’s Confessional: After a long day at the office, my favorite thing to do is sit down with Chris and talk about our days. It’s always that really nice hour or two we get to spend time together before the kids get back from their after school activities.

Elle: Honey I’m HOOOMEEEE! *laughs* I never get tired of saying that.

Chris: *while holding a glass of whiskey* Sit down, Elle.

Elle: Well someone seems to be in a bad mood.

Chris: *more aggravated this time* Seriously, sit.

Elle: Wow, okay. *sits down* What’s the prob- *Chris cuts Elle off*

Chris: I don’t want you to speak, I want you to listen. *Elle nods* Thank you. Now we have a serious problem on our hands. One of my rival surgeons has heard about your friend Grace’s little “rumor” and he’s starting to use it to trash my business. Now I sent her the cease and desist a few days ago, but I mean it, Elle, you are not to interact or engage with her when you see her. I cannot have some bitch ruining my reputation that I’ve spent twenty five plus years building.

Elle’s Confessional: I’m shocked. We try not to swear inside the home as it causes bad vibes and it’s just generally not polite, but Chris is really mad. Like REALLY mad.

Elle: Honey don’t swear- *Chris cuts me off again*

Chris: Elle, I actually don’t give a shit right now. You can either tell your friend to stop, then stop engaging with her, or I’m filing a lawsuit for defamation against her and anyone else who wants to bring up this bullshit rumor. Are we clear?

Elle: Yeah, yes, I understand.

Chris: I’ve spent TWENTY-FIVE YEARS building this business and I’m not letting it get destroyed by some rumor that some stupid old hag who’s jealous of my wife started.

Elle: Honey, you need to calm down.. *motions to cameras*

Chris: Do you think I give a shit about this “show” you’re on? I could shut all of this down right now. You don’t NEED to be on this show. This is still my fucking house, Elle.

Elle: You’re acting erratic and when you wanna calm down and speak to me you can, but I’m not getting swore at by an angry drunk version of you. *starts walking inside as Chris stands up and blocks Elle from going inside*

Chris: Sit down, Elle.

Elle pushes Chris out of the way and goes into the master bedroom, locking herself in there. Just then Chris starts banging on the door telling herto open it...

Elle: *through tears and with one of the producers inside* Chris, please, stop. You’re only making yourself look worse. YOU’VE GOT TO CALM DOWN!

Just then, we see the crew putting down their cameras, as audio can still be heard of Chris and Elle Stonewood screaming at one another…

Elle’s Confessional: *Producer asks, “Were you scared? Physically I mean?”* No, because I know he’d never touch me, but he gets aggressive verbally and that’s a lot for me to handle. I was definitely happy production and everyone was there, because I think if y’all weren’t, we would’ve been screaming all night.

As sad music plays, the camera pans out and the scene shifts to several days later…there we see Luciana at a restaurant in uptown Twitter as ominous music plays. We then see the Ladies walking into the restaurant as the scene begins…

Luciana’s Confessional: Today is going to be a good day! Last week was rough with our group. I was yelling, they were yelling. Enough is enough! I know how to fix this! *points at the camera* You watch.

Grace: *walks in* Hi, I’m here to see my fri- oh she’s there I’ll head over! Thanks! Luci honey, you look gorgeous! Shall we order a wine?

Grace’s Confessional: Luci and I have made up and everyone can breathe a sigh of relief because now I can focus on making sure I don’t say anything else to make these ladies crazy

Luciana: Hi babe!! Yes! This is my friends restaurant. Sir, please add some wine to the tab and bring us a bottle.

Kathy: *walks in the restaurant and looks around* Here goes nothing, Kathy.

Kathy’s Confessional: After the other night with the girls, I really don’t have any interest in being here to be gang banged by the three blind mice. Thank god a girls food is paid for.

Amal: *walks in with Elle* This place is nice! A lot nicer than the last restaurant we were all at.

Elle: Oh come on, that was Luci’s place, be nice.

Luciana: Hi ladies!!!

Kathy: Hi Luci.

Luciana: Hi Kath, we gotta chat soon…

Grace: Wow, everyone’s looking so hip tonight!

Kathy: Yes we do, Luci. Not tonight. I don’t want to be kicked out

Luciana: Okay dear, just don’t cause problems tonight. *smiles* Elle, you look gorgeous! Girls, take some food from the platters and get some drinks! I’ve got news to share! We are here to celebrate me.

Grace: Sure…

The camera pans out as we see the Ladies getting food and ordering drinks before awkwardly returning to their table to dine together…

Amal’s Confessional: The tension is thick, honey! Amal Hadid THICK

Elle: I’m glad to see you here, Kathy.*hugs her*

Kathy: Hi babe *gives Elle a hug*

Amal: *takes a sip* So ladies…did Elle and I tell you what we’ve been up to lately?

Luciana: Do tell! Botox parties??

Kathy: No, but I’m curious *looks At Elle*

Grace: Do tell, Amal

Amal: No no! I’m going for a touch up tomorrow. You girls have brought a few extra wrinkles to my forehead *laughs* we actually met up for tea the other day and we had a really pleasant time *looks at Elle and smiles*

Luciana’s Confessional: Why are they highjacking my celebratory event?? I am the host!

Grace: That’s awesome, cheers to that.

Luciana: Are you two lovers or something? Like who cares? That’s great…

Kathy: That’s interesting. Cheers I guess?

Amal: Who knows, Luci. Anything is possible

Grace: Luci, what are we here for anyway?

Luciana: Now That we know two friends had a tea party…let’s get to the real news here. ANYWAY LADIES… big announcement… you know my sister Maria?

Grace: She’s not coming tonight, is she?

Kathy: Please tell me she’s coming

Amal: Maria? Oh yes. Lovely lady she is

Amal’s Confessional: *Producer asks, “So do you remember Maria?”* I remember a blonde synthetic party city wig

Luciana: Well she convinced me to open and build a new lounge. Like for hanging out, and drinks! Amazing bar and amazing drinks!

Elle: Oh, that’s amazing!!!

Kathy: That’s awesome, Luci. Congratulations *claps*

Luciana: Maria will be moving back here from Italy, to manage the Lounge and stay with me as I rebuild myself.

Grace: That’s amazing! *claps*

Elle’s Confessional: I love how we’re all strong independent businesswomen. We all have our own careers!

Luciana: ANYWAY…. I’m going on a trip to taste exotic juices for some amazing cocktails we will serve… and I want YOU ALL TO COME!

Elle: Wait, really?! That sounds like so much fun, where to?

Kathy: I’ll have to check my schedule

Grace: Oh, I love exotic juice

Amal: A trip? With all of us? Are you sure?

Luciana: Yes! Yes! Girls this will be fun!! Pack your exotic bathing suits we’re going to….GRANAID!!

Kathy: Where’s that

Elle: Grenada?

Amal’s Confessional: Does she mean Grenada?

Luciana: Oh yes, YES, Grenada, that’s it! In the Caribbean

Elle’s Confessional: Oh Luci, next time I’ll bring her non-alcoholic champagne. *laughs*

Elle: That sounds like so much fun!!

Kathy: Dear God help us. I think I am better off in my back yard by the pool

Amal: Oh, for a second there I thought you were saying grenade

Luciana: What do you all think! Will you come with me!?

Grace: I’ve never been, but I’d love to go. I’ll get my daughter to cover for me at work.

Elle: I will!

Luciana: Yay!! We’re going to have an exotic time!

Kathy: I honestly don’t feel comfortable going. But I appreciate the invite Luciana!

Amal: I’m on board *winks and sips champagne*

Grace, you don’t do much work. You do more work on that face than on selling homes.

Elle: Kathy, can I talk to you for a second?

Luciana: Why Kath?

Kathy: *turns to Elle* Give me one second. Luciana, why would I come on this trip? The last time I was around the three of you, *points at Amal, Grace, and Lucinan* it was an attack fest on me. I’m glad y’all have all made up but there’s still an elephant in the room and I have no intentions on traveling half way across the county with you bitches

Grace: Okay! Perfect!, we’ll give your room to someone who can actually have a good time.

Kathy: Grace, shut up you geriatric, you don’t know the first thing about fun.

Grace: Age shaming? Wow

Luciana’s Confessional:* I’ll let Amal deal with this. I don’t have time to cater to Kathy and her fake teeth.

Kathy’s Confessional: These bitches are FAF. Fake as fuck. I’m over it

Amal: *shocked* I attacked you? Didn’t you tell me to shut the fuck up and that I was a lap dog?

Kathy: You are and I meant it *smiles*

Elle: *looks around* Can I get champagne? Or honestly a shot of tequila? I have a feeling this isn’t going to get better.

Amal: So then how did I attack you Kathy?

Grace: I still don’t know what the issue is with you, Kathy, I’d love to know why you have a stick up your ass

Amal: *raises hand to Grace* THAT’S not helpful right now Grace. Let me speak to her for a second

Kathy: You didn’t say things in retaliation? Yes or no.

Elle: *takes the shot and stands up* Okay ladies, I don’t think everyone coming at Kathy at once is going to resolve anything peacefully.

Luciana: I agree… even if she does enjoy a quick hang bang.

Elle: It’s gang bang Luci, now hold on.

Kathy: Thank you Elle. I Finally have one real fucking friend in this group *looks at Luci*

Amal: *turns back to Kathy* I just want to know how I attacked you? Luci, who has just lost her husband and wants our help with picking out cocktails for her bistro, has invited us to Grenada and you go on a tirade about me attacking you?

Luciana: *looks at Kathy* That’s low!

Elle: Let’s all just try one at a time.

Grace: Where’s your henchman Rose, Kathy?

Kathy: I stand all on my own Babe, I’m not like you being the puppet master. I asked a question Amal and you have yet to answer. Did you say things in retaliation to me calling you a lap dog and telling you to shut the fuck up. Yes or no?

Amal: Kathy, you’re just mad for the sake of being mad. These dramatics aren’t necessary. Either you come on the trip to support your friend or you wallow in a pool of self pity

Kathy: I’m not gonna wallow in self pity. But I am deserving of a few apologies. *looks at Grace and Luci* Plus, why would I go and support a friend who I have not felt supported me so far since I have been in this group?

Luciana: I’m sorry for kicking you out.

Kathy: That’s a shitty apology Luci. I don’t buy it

Elle: There we go some resolution, yay!

Luciana: *rolls eyes* I apologized! You don’t like it? Don’t come!

Amal: *claps* There you go. Now she can accept the invitation. Halle-fucking-lujiah *throws napkin in air and catches it*

Luciana’s Confessional: Kathy should come. Give her ass an exotic juice cleanse.

Amal: Kathy, I told Elle the other day how excited I was about moving forward with her and how I wanted to do the same with you but I don’t think you should expect a group of 50 year old women to beg for your friendship

Kathy: I don’t expect anything from anyone. I am still figuring you girls out so how I am with my friends of 20 plus years I need to handle differently than you girls. I get it, we can all be superficial and act like nothing is everything going on. I can do that and I can have a surface level friendship with you all.

Luciana: Come on, Kath let’s move on. I’ve missed you this week. Plus, I have gossip for you.

Grace: Stop telling people who or what they are and ask questions and get to know us then

Elle: I personally think you two, Kathy and Luci, need to sit down and talk privately.

Luciana: We can talk it out on the plane.

Amal: Over a glass of champagne. *laughs*

Luciana: Or two!

Kathy: Grace, shut up. I have no intentions on getting to know a future felon. As for the rest of you, I would like to take this time to apologize for my actions this past week. I am a work in progress and I need to understand we all communicate differently

Luciana: I accept your apology. Thank you for that finally babe.

Elle: This is progress!

Luciana: Yes!

Kathy’s Confessional: And I’ll stick by that…for now.

Grace: You’re trash.

Elle: Now I’ve got to ask, why isn’t Rose here?

Luciana: Shall we cheers to a fun exotic trip? Oh fuck. Rose. I knew I forgot someone!

Elle’s Confessional: Rose is a part of this group, so despite ongoing drama she should be here!

Kathy: Cheers to Grenada, Luci. Say it with me Greña-da

Luciana: I’ll invite Rose if you girls want her there. I can be nice! GRENADA!!!!

Elle: That would be lovely Luci!

Kathy: Yes, bring my solider, as Grace says.

Amal’s Confessional: Kathy is just too much. *puts head in hand* There’s nothing more pathetic than a middle aged woman starved of attention and wreaking of desperation. But hey, maybe the exotic juices of Grenada will do her wonders

Grace: I don’t really know her she’s hardly been around? Sure, though invite her the more the merrier. Cheers to Grenada!

Elle: *raises glass* To Grenada!

Grace’s Confessional: It’ll be interesting to see these ladies on vacation, they said you truly get to know someone on holiday so I’m really interested to see how this turns out…

As we see the Ladies toast to their trip, the scene shifts to the following day. We see Luciana working around her apartment as the scene begins. We hear upbeat music as the camera shifts, and we see Rose getting in the elevator to Luciana’s. The camera transitions as we see Rose walking up to Luciana’s door when the scene begins…

Rose’s Confessional: I was invited over to Luciana’s home so we can chat and talk more.. I brought over some cheese and meat cause I hear it’s a way into the peoples lives.

Luciana: Hi hun! Thanks for coming by!

Rose: Hi missy! I brung some cheese! This home is amazing!

Luciana: I love cheese! Thank you, here have some vino! Red or white?

Rose: I’ll do some white… I’m actually limiting my drink intake

Luciana: Oh, why is that?

Rose: I’ve got new projects that want me a bit skinner. *laughs* How are you?

Luciana: Skinnier! I see! Im good, busy busy! I’m actually opening up a new lounge!

Rose: Oh really? In Twitter? I’ll have to come by and support this time, and not make a fool of myself.

Luciana: Yes! Which brings me to my next question…how do you feel about taking a trip

Rose: A trip? Where to? It would be amazing to restart our friendship or relationship..

Luciana: I agree…well, I need to try out exotic fruit for my exotic juices and cocktails so we’re going to Grenada!

Rose: Oh man, that’s AMAZING!

Luciana: Right? All the girlies are coming

Rose’s Confessional: A trip just in time… I’m here for a girls’ trip. I will be on my best behavior I promise…

Rose: Everyone? Oh, that’s great! We could all use some cock..tails.

Luciana: We sure can! Okay listen, I’ll send you the details later. I gotta run to get some swim suits.

Rose: I need to freeze some of my fat before getting into swim suits!

Luciana: *laughs* You’re too much!

Rose: Thanks for the wine and the invitation! I’ll definitely come.

As we see Rose and Luciana walking out of Luciana’s apartment, the camera pans out as we see a shot of the Twitter skyline and the episode comes to an end.

Next time on Ladies of Twitter…the group jet off to Grenada for a girls’ vacation. As the group begins to enjoy their getaway, when Elle’s marriage again becomes the topic of conversation, the cast trip threatens to take a dark shift.