Season 13, Episode 12: “The Not So Suite Life”
As the episode begins, we hear upbeat music as we see the Ladies finishing up packing their luggage for their trip to Grenada. The camera then shifts as we see all six Ladies stepping out of towncars and SUVs at Twitter International. The scene then shifts as we see the Ladies board the flight, followed by video shot on the Ladies’ phones. We see Luciana laughing with a drink on the plane, followed by a shot of Rose sleeping with an eye mask on. Finally, the scene transitions as we see the Ladies arriving in Grenada and being taken to their villa as the scene begins…
Elle’s Confessional: Talk about a long flight. I just wanna say my outfit was made for comfort, not glamour! Although I have to say; no complaints about the location because WOW!? Look at this place! On this trip the goal is relaxation and restoration because I’ve been working super hard lately and I don’t want to be involved in any drama, or share a room with Grace.
Grace’s Confessional: I’m ready to enjoy the sun and hopefully enjoy these ladies too! God knows we need to restart and rejuvenate
Amal: WE ARE IN GRENADA LADIES!!!!!
Grace: Here we are! *takes pictures on phone*
Elle: I’m so happy!
Kathy: Thank God for first class! How was economy Grace? *laughs*
Rose: This place looks so amazing! Great choice
Amal’s Confessional: That’s right! We have touched down in the land of beautiful beaches, crystal blue water and exotic juices
Grace: *ignores Kathy* Luci, why did you pick this place anyway? For the juice right? *laughs*
Luciana: Why, what’s wrong with it? I like the character!
Elle: The fruits of this beautiful place!
Luciana: Yes! We’re hear for the exotic fruit and exotic juices!
Kathy: It’s very interesting here!
Rose: What is the rooming situation Luci?
Grace: *sits down* I’ll take anywhere you know me, Kath! *winks*
Amal: Speaking of exotic fruits, I’m going to go get another one of these welcome drinks *starts to wonder the house*
Luciana: We all have our own room. No assignments everyone grab whatever one you want. Just not the master suite. That’s for someone special.
Rose’s Confessional: Wow, Luci thinks I deserve the Master Suite. She’s truly changing or turning the leaf.
Kathy: Sweet I call this one with the balcony on it! *walks inside*
Amal: *seen inside finding the master bedroom* Oh wow! Isn’t this just fabulous for Amal? *dumps bags and goes back to the Ladies*
Luciana: Elle…the master is for you!
Elle: *screams* WHAT?
Luciana: Enjoy hunny!
Amal: *returns to the women* But my bags are already in there?
Elle: Wait, why, what?
Rose: *begins to cheer* yay!
Luciana: *walks away and pulls Kathy aside* Hey, was the flight okay for you?
Kathy’s Confessional: I knew I wasn’t going to get the masters so I got second best *smiles*
Grace: Is there a pool?
Kathy: Yes, I just got a little sick from the turbulence. Are you okay, Luci?
Luciana: Yeah! When you get a chance, I still want to talk to you. I’ve been sitting on news to share, but I wants to wait until we were in a better place.
Kathy: Let’s chat over breakfast on my balcony tomorrow!
Grace: But I do need a south facing room
Amal: Grace came here for the sun! Not to be in the attic
Grace: I need a nap!
Rose: Kathy, Elle, want to go unpack?
Elle: Yes let’s.
Kathy: Yes, I need to unwind!
Rose: Bring a bottle of wine, I’ll need a sip or a wiff.
Grace: Amal let’s have a wine come!
Elle’s Confessional: I’m a little suspicious as to why I got the master suite. Of course I’m grateful but don’t you think Luci’s closer with Grace or even Amal than I?
Luciana’s Confessional: Do I want the master suite? Of course. But Elle…that little lamb deserves it. After all she is going through….
Kathy: Come on, let’s go check out Elle’s master suite over wine.
Rose: This place is great! Thank you Luci for setting this up for all of us.
The scene then shifts as we see Amal coming out of her room in a white bathing suit and heading out to the pool. Amal then gets a hose and hoses herself off as the scene continues…
Grace: Oh my God, they’re massive! Look Luci!
Grace’s Confessional: I’m sorry but I have never seen bigger breasts in all my life! Wow
The scene then shifts as we see Rose, Kathy, and Elle going into the master suite to chat…
Elle: I have a question, and I don’t want to cause issues, but do you think I should give my room to Luci? She is the host and I honestly *motions to unpacked bags* feel bad taking what feels like her room.
Kathy: Girl, hell no! I would take advantage of the master suite. She must be trying to turn a new leaf
Rose: *takes a sip* Honestly, I think they’re testing you. But I would never turn down the master suite
Elle: Testing me how? Like how much of a princess am I or something?
Rose: Luci is the host of this trip. I’m trying not to mess up with these girls. Cause I could be breathing and it would annoy them… well, that was before.
Elle: *laughs* Alright, well, I’ll just start unpacking and enjoy the vacay.
Amal’s Confessional: These girls seem to be obsessed with the room, and the suites, and the unpacking, and the blah blah blah! Amal knows that none of these rooms will compare to anything she has at home or at any of her family homes across the globe. So instead of fussing and fighting, I’ll be laying out by the piscine. That’s pool one Grenadian right?
As the episode continues, we hear upbeat music as we see the Ladies enjoying the villa, followed by them all deciding to go on an excursion for the day in two groups. The camera then watches as we see Luciana, Rose, and Amal go into a spa on the resort property as the scene begins…
Luciana’s Confessional: I booked a spa day with rose and Amal. These girls need some pampering!!
Rose: *looks over* They’ve got bloody Mary’s ready for us
Luciana: Oh, that’s perfect.
Amal: Who is ready good old scrub snd exfoliant?
Rose’s Confessional: Amal is friends with these girls so why now get to know this stunning chick.
Rose: I need a soul wrap! I’ll take a scrub too!
Luciana: I want a chocolate wrap! Cover me in chocolate! Or maybe just a simple facial. I have so many wrinkles. *laughs*
Amal: A soul wrap? Is that where they cleanse your soul? Well, you’ve had a tough year sweetie! *rubs Luciana on the shoulder*
Luciana: I have. Not as bad as some people ….speaking of that, does Elle like her suite?
Rose: I need my whole soul cleanse and recycled. But I’ll take a sea wrap.
Amal: Maybe an exorcism Rose? *laughs*
Rose: *nods* Oh yes, she loves the suite! *begins to laugh* Amal you know I carry a Bible everywhere. Let’s start this exorcism
Amal: *giggles* So I’m confused Luci, why did you give her that room?
Luciana: Oh well, I shouldn’t say, but she is going through some tough times…
Rose: Tough times? How so?
Rose’s Confessional: Oh so this is a Tea and Spa moment… Luci spill..
Luciana: Oh boy…remember that rumor that grace was saying about her husband cheating?
Amal: *sips on cucumber water* Yeah?
Luciana: I should stop.
Rose: Some people have said it. You should stop, but don’t. Amal, get me one of those cucumber water… is there vodka or wine in there?
Luciana: Okay well …I was at the salon before this trip, and someone confirmed it and approached me regarding it. It’s all one hundred percent TRUE…so I felt bad, and gave her my room
Luciana’s Confessional: I feel bad that I didn’t believe Grace…but it’s all true… wow
Amal: *eyes widen* Wait, what?!
Luciana: Elle’s husband is, in fact, cheating on her…
Rose: Sorry you fit the style of staff here. *eyes widen* girl this is all false right
Luciana: Now we have two sources saying the same story…
Rose’s Confessional: LISTEN…ELLE IS MY FRIEND. I don’t think this is true. Should I tell Elle about this? I’m not going to say a thing.
Rose: Two sources?! *shocked*
Luciana: This shit always falls in my lap…
Amal: Oh wow! Well that’s uhm…unfortunate.
Luciana: Should we go get ready for dinner tonight?
Rose: Always! Luci, where are we eating tonight?
Luciana: A fine, fine seafood restaurant!
Amal: Dinner? I feel like we’re heading to a battle field
Luciana: Battlefield?? Who’s fighting?
Amal: You may end up swimming with the seafood, Luc
Luciana: I did nothing wrong!
Rose: Oh my! I love seafood!! It’s my favorite! My hometown is know for its fishermen and songs. It’s true. My middle name is actually an honor to that. I agree, Luci did nothing wrong… she just heard a rumor.. and she’s hoping that this will make up for her hard time.
Amal: Rose Calamari Salzar?
Luciana: Rose Clam Salzar? Let’s get back to the villa, and get ready some seafood!
Rose: Yes let’s! It’s actually clownfish…my parents were in love with that fish about a lost fish
Amal’s Confessional: Rose is a funny one. Looks like a clown and is a descendent of one too
Rose’s Confessional: I’ve got to keep these girls laughing either with me or at me. It’s true.
As the Ladies leave the spa, the scene transitions as we see Kathy, Grace, and Elle at the villa’s pool…
Kathy’s Confessional: Elle and I got a weird text from Grace saying to come by the pool and hangout. I need a cocktail or six to deal with her. *laughs*
Grace: Hi gurls! I ordered us all a fireball, my daughter said they’re fun! Shall we?
Elle: Hello Ms. Real Estate, I’ll definitely sip one!
Grace: How are we feeling? Let’s just shot it, come on! This is vacation!
Kathy: I’ll definitely need two or three more before I can even say hello *laughs*
Elle: Oh no, that’s just not very me. *giggles* I’ll sip it with you though.
Elle’s Confessional: Sure we’re on vacation but how do I know this isn’t drugged or something crazy!
Elle: So, do you know what Luci has planned for tonight, Grace?
Grace: I don’t. She’s kept it all a surprise from everyone. Are you both excited?
Kathy: She said something about dinner but that’s all I got from her!
Grace: Are you happy with your rooms? Elle getting that big suite! Lucky girl!
Elle: I’m definitely excited, I haven’t been on vacation in so long!
Grace’s Confessional: I’m trying here okay, they can’t say I’m not trying
Elle: I’m a little confused and anxious honestly. I feel like Luci should be in my room and I feel kind of bad.
Kathy: I think it’s all good, right Grace? It was probably Luci giving you an olive branch
Grace: I mean hey, I’m not on this trip for any drama. I’d like to move forward with everyone
Elle: I’ll definitely take it then *laughs*
Grace: Olive branches are definitely needed
Kathy: I agree Grace, they are very much needed
Kathy’s Confessional: Kinda ironic coming Grace.
Grace: Everyone, and I mean everyone, needs to look in the mirror. *laughs*
Kathy: Why can’t we get along, Grace?
Elle: What’re you implying, Grace?
Kathy: Out of everyone in the group, Elle and I have been your main two targets
Grace: Maybe that’s the issue. You think I’m out to get both of you when I’m really not.
Kathy: Why are we such a threat to you?
Elle: The first time I met you you started a rumor about my husband, but you weren’t targeting me?
Grace: You’re not? Elle seriously? You’re still going on about that, I mean come on, I apologized!
Elle: I’m not rehashing it I’m using it as an example to prove a point. You targeted me for no reason.
Grace’s Confessional: Oh my god! I can’t, I can’t, I can’t
Grace: You both seem to be targeting me
Elle: We’re just trying to get some closure
Kathy: I just don’t think you are our kind of people Grace, if I’m going to be honest. *shrugs* We can’t ever find a common ground with you
Grace: That’s fine! Absolutely fine. And while we’re at it I guess I should let you both know something
Elle: I think we can all be cordial, and see one another out and about, but every time we sit down and talk it ends up ugly. Sure Grace?
Kathy: I just don’t think you’re genuinely interested in us. So don’t sit here and make it look like we haven’t tried with you.
Grace: Hey I’m here, I’m cool and calm
Kathy: What’s going on now?
Grace: Elle has Kathy, you haven’t. But that’s another story. Actually never mind, I’ll leave it for later on it’s no big deal
Elle: Well you can’t lead us up to that then not tell us *laughs*
Grace: Fine. So, I found it really weird and strange that you were coming out with things about me Kathy, when you don’t know me at all…so, with all you were implying and raging on about me, I spoke to my ex husband and well, what he said is actually some sort of bigger issue.
Kathy: Well, spit it out?
Grace: Something you should know about my life is until last year my ex husband controlled everything, I am embarrassed to say I was a kept woman. I owed that money to the IRS. There. I didn’t know, he did it all for me and I let him get me into that mess. It’s paid off and I’m happy that I can truly begin to start fresh
Elle: Well congratulations! That’s something to celebrate!
Kathy: Wow, that’s awesome. I’m am happy to hear that. Maybe this is just something you can use as a learning lesson
Grace: Absolutely, I still don’t appreciate what you did, but I wouldn’t be here today without it, so, thanks I guess.
Kathy: Well, that’s neither here nor there love.
Elle’s Confessional: Maybe she’ll be more nice and less bitter now. *laughs*
Grace’s Confessional: Kathy may be a bitch, but she made me ask the question about my life I was afraid to ask… how can my ex still be controlling my life
Grace: Okay, whatever Kathy. I’m off to get ready, see you at dinner
Elle: Yes, it’s getting late, we better all go get ready. See y’all later.
As the Ladies depart the pool, the scene shifts to an hour later, where we see the Ladies getting on a party bus to dinner for the night. We see them stepping out of the bus and going into a beautifully decorated seafood restaurant as the scene begins…
Luciana’s Confessional: Tonight, we are finally making some exotic cocktails and having some amazing seafood! Hopefully I didn’t spill too much info earlier. I want a peaceful dinner.
Grace: Oh wow, this is stunning! I love the sunset!
Rose’s Confessional: The first night here! I’m so happy to see what this dinner had to offer. I might be deathly allergic to seafood in general but I’ve got some aspirins and my epipen in my bag. So here we go
Luciana: Welcome ladies!!! Let’s try these exotic juices!!
Amal: Well don’t we all look lovely!
Rose: I’ll take all the cocktails this place has to offer!
Grace: How was your afternoon girls? Rose, nice to see you with the group!
Luciana: How was the pools ladies?
Rose: *cheers to Grace* Hi Grace! I didn’t say hi earlier
Elle: The pool was nice, relaxing. We did fireballs!
Amal: Today was beyond, Gracie! Look at me! Aren’t I glowing?
Rose: I missed out on fireball!! We should all take one right now..
Luciana: Yes!
Elle: I’ll sip it like I did earlier but definitely down!
Just then, a bartender walks out with a display of exotic fruits along with their juices, for the group to see and sample…
Grace: Oh wow
Luciana: Exotic fruits! Incredible!
Elle: I’m so excited to try these fruits in the new cocktails!
Amal’s Confessional: Dragon Fruit? Girl, you did not fly us out here to eat some dragon fruit?
Rose: *begins to look at the fruit* I like the star shaped one, it looks great.
Luciana: Mmmm, dragon fruit!
Amal: *stands up and raises glass* Ladies, ladies, ladies…before we begin I just want to make a toast to our lovely hostess
Kathy: Yes, cheers to a fabulous trip you crazy bitches!
Elle: *raises glass* Cheers!!
Rose: Cheers!
Grace: Cheers ladies, I’m genuinely happy to be here
Amal: Luci, I just want to thank you on behalf of all the girls! You’ve brought us to this beautiful island with these exotic dragon fruits! You are truly a marvelous friend to us all. Especially Elle, given everything she’s going through. *raises glass*
Kathy: *looks* What are you talking about? She’s fine?
Elle: Yes!*laughs* Who knew it’d be so much work expanding offices?
Rose’s Confessional: Oh, so she speaking for us now… what’s going on?
Luciana: Offices?
Grace: Oh, they’re gorgeous!
Elle: Yes, my companies offices are expanding because the headquarters is growing in Twitter!
Amal: Offices? No, Luci told us that your husband was having an affair with some salon worker or something
Luciana’s Confessional: Why would Amal do this? I spoke with her in confidence!
Kathy: What the fuck, Luci?
Grace: *spits drink out* Oh shit!
Luciana: Well….
Rose: There was that from earlier, I guess…
Luciana: Elle? Do you like the suite?
Rose: *begins to look for the fireball* anyone want to take that shot?
Kathy: Is that why you gave her the suite?
Amal’s Confessional: Was I not meant to say anything? Well sorry ladies but there are 15 cameras following us so it was bound to come up eventually
Luciana: Yes! I wanted to be a nice friend! I’m nice! *pours juice in her martini*
Rose: She was doing charitable work. So she said.
Amal: She said she heard what was happening in Elles marriage and that it was fact, so that the room would compensate for it
Elle’s Confessional: I’m going to let them all talk, because the more I sit quietly and the more they talk, the more they look like absolute dip-shits and terrible people. *laughs*
Luciana: I was just being NICE. Don’t chastise me.
Rose: *cheers with Grace as the two take a shot* Drink hoe… sorry, I meant Grace. *laughs*
Luciana: Grace, I’m sorry for not believing you when you told everyone
Grace: I’m not saying anything here. I heard a rumor and I repeated it, that’s all. I apologized. Leave me outta this one
Amal: Can we just hear from Elle for a second please?
Luciana: Yes please! How’s the room?
Amal: *looks at Elle* Elle, is any of this true or is Luci a little sauced again?
Luciana: I’ve only had one wine spritzer!!
Grace: Just leave it
Rose: Let’s not talk about this right now… Elle should be respected
Grace’s Confessional: I know a lot more than I’ve let on, but I want out of this mess.
Kathy: Luciana, you’re a fucking asshole. And Amal, you’re the asshole who repeated it!
Rose: *looks to Kathy* I didn’t believe it for a second. Then Luci said there were two sources
Amal: Me?! It’s Kathy! She said this in front of the world!
Elle: It’s funny you know?
Luciana: Kath really??
Kathy: How is everyone suppose to defend you when the tabloids come out, but none of you girls believe Elle when she said her husband isn’t having an affair?
The camera then pans to Elle as dramatic music plays…
Elle: You come into a new group of people wanting to become friends with everyone and of course that’s a little unrealistic because nobody can get along with everybody, but the way you all tear each other down every chance you get absolutely shocks me. I mean Amal we just sat at my house over tea and you told me about your marital issues, but have I said anything? No. And Luci when the tabloids leaked that you might’ve had something to do with Vinny’s murder you know what I did. I didn’t speak about it out of respect and I defended you. I’ve done absolutely nothing to anyone in this group with the exception of Grace whose IRS paperwork I brought up, which I truly regret, and feel terrible about to this day and yet here I am. Getting torn down again, and honestly, I’m way better than this. *stands up* Thank you ladies for a wonderful day in Grenada, if you’ll excuse me I have some packing to do and some arrangements to make.
The camera then pans around the table with the Ladies in various states of shock…
Elle: *begins to gather her things at the table* Whenever someone wants to take this mic off of me, that’d be wonderful thank you.
Kathy: Don’t leave. These girls don’t deserve to see you fall
Amal: *dabs tear* Oh wow, I feel absolutely terrible
Elle: They’re not, I just truly don’t believe they like me at all. *walks towards the exit*
Luciana: Bye! Enjoy my suite
Just then, a producer follows behind Elle quickly…
Grace: Wow!
Kathy: You guys are fucking miserable! *walks away towards Elle and the producer*
Amal: Oh, fuck off, Kathy!
Drew (Producer): Elle, come on, don’t you want to sit down and tell your side?
Elle: I’d love to but not in front of a group of women who clearly don’t care about me in any sense of the way. Kathy and Rose are the only two people who haven’t done anything to me.
Kathy: Elle, listen to me if you leave they win. I’m not saying you have to hang with them but stay here and enjoy that master girl.
Amal: *gets up and follows Elle out who is standing with the producers* Elle, I know I’m the last person you want to see right now and I’m so sorry for putting this on the table but you need to address this. She is saying these things as if they are fact. You need to put it to bed
Rose’s Confessional: I don’t know why Amal is on this trip. The girl loves the camera. Just saying
Kathy: Amal, go back inside! Like you said you’re the last person she wants to hear this from.
Amal: *looks at Kathy* I’m talking to Elle, lady. Please back up
Rose: *comes outside with a drink in hand* Hey Elle, you okay hun?
Elle: *begins to cry* I don’t know what I did to deserve this. I try being nice to everyone that doesn’t work, I fight back and then I feel terrible. *screams* I DON’T KNOW WHAT PEOPLE WANT FROM ME!
Kathy: Elle, maybe we should get a car back to the villa. I don’t think we are gonna get anywhere with this group tonight.
Luciana: *Walks out* Elle, can we chit chat?
Amal’s Confessional: I genuinely thought that Elle would shut the rumors down and we’d all move on. I never expected this! NOT THIS?!?!
Elle: *points at Luciana* YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME RIGHT NOW! *sobs*
A producer then begins to usher Elle into the back of an SUV so that she can head back to the villa…
Luciana: Oh god. Take a Xanax or have some martini. Geez. She’s so hostile, I don’t feel safe around her.
Rose: You don’t feel safe? *looks to the Camera*
Luciana: Look at Elle. Looks like someone possessed her.
Elle is then heard in the back of the SUV sobbing as the camera pans to a shot of the exterior of the SUV before returning to the Ladies outside…
Luciana’s Confessional: This is not my fault. It’s her husbands fault, and his mistress
Kathy: Luci, why are you such an asshole when you drink?
Rose: *begins to snap* Wow, I was not expecting that to happen
Luciana: Kathy, sit, stay, bark!
Grace: *walks out of the restaurant* Kathy, leave it. Just stop
Kathy: I’m nobody’s dog, bitch. And Grace, shut up, I’m here finishing some business.
Luciana: You’re my dog, bitch! Bark bark
Kathy: Y’all may can punk Elle, but I’m no punk bitch
Grace: No, you shut up, how about that? Just go!
Kathy: Or what Grace or what?
Luciana: Leave! Leave! I don’t want you here
Rose: *whispers to the mic* She’ll have you killed *begins to laugh*
Kathy: *walks and gets in the car with Elle* Let’s go! I’m done with these bitches
Producers begins to usher the Ladies onto the bus and into SUVs, as the camera pans to a table of half-eaten seafood and cocktails…
Rose’s Confessional: A TRULY CRAZY NIGHT! These Ladies are insane!
Amal’s Confessional: I never expected that this would happen. This is all just so…crazy, I’m truly in shock!
As the Ladies speed away from the restaurant, audio can be heard of Elle sobbing as the scene and episode come to an end.
Next time on Ladies of Twitter…as the trip to Grenada continues, the group reels from the first night’s explosion. The group attempts to make sense of what happened with the rumors. When the group goes on a boating excursion, tensions reach a new high and one Lady ends up in the ocean!
