Season 16, Episode 7: “Paddle Faster, I Hear Screaming”

Ladies of Twitter
36 min readDec 21, 2023

As the episode begins and the main title poses fade from the screen, we return to the Poconos, where we see shots of the sun rising over the mountain range as the episode begins. We hear upbeat music as we see the Ladies getting up and beginning their days as they put on makeup and pick out their outfits. We then watch as the girls begin to disperse for morning to do small group activities. The shot then quickly transitions as we see a beautiful breakfast restaurant overlooking the mountains as Teairra, Billie, and Erica enter and the scene begins…

Teairra: Teairra takes a seat and fixes my shades. Lord…

Teairra’s Confessional: After a HECTIC dinner with words spewed from every angle possible, I feel like its only right I invite Billie and Erica away from everyone else because I’ve had intense arguments with both ladies, and I know they’re very hotheaded but did I expect them to get into a misunderstanding with each other? Absolutely not! It seems to be an easy fix though so hopefully there’s a resolution today, because seeing them arguing with each other was NOT one of my predictions this year.

Erica: Teairra girly, you look gorgeous.

Teairra: Hey! You do too, isn’t this place gorgeous?

Billie: Billie walks in with a protein shake. Hi ladies, sorry I’m late, I had to use the ladies’ room.

Teairra: Oh, there she is! Hey Billie!

Erica: It is. I think the ladies are just busting your balls about this area… Erica laughs. Because this is beautiful. Erica waves at Billie awkwardly.

Teairra: How are y’all feeling?

Billie: I feel like I’ve been hit by a semi-truck. Metaphorically and emotionally.

Erica: I’m as good as I can be. The storm last night had me sleeping quite well.

Billie: Billie looks at Erica. Nothing about last night’s dinner kept you up?

Erica: Erica sips her strawberry mimosa. I was out like a baby.

Billie: T, you know these girls had no mercy on me when they all ambushed me last night.

Teairra: I won’t lie, I was really confused on everybody mentioning your name. I didn’t know you had so much smoke with everybody! But the most shocking one of course was… Teairra points between the other two Ladies. You two. Like what’s the disconnect here? I thought it was patched up.

Billie: Well neither did, it was a shock to me as much as it was to you!

Erica: Well may I add, I had nothing to do with girls piling on to what I said.

Billie: I thought we had fixed things as well T, but I guess Érica wanted to rehash what was already patched up.

Erica: Well like I said at the table, I said I was still feeling a type of way being around all of the girls and knowing that your best friend basically aired out your business in your way was still on my mind. Like I said before, I wasn’t there and I would never want to believe you intended on bringing my business out with such malice but when people are now telling me that the way it was said was a bit funny, it just has me thinking.

Billie: But why would you believe that? I guess what I’m confused about because if any of these ladies came to me and told me you were repeating things about my legal situation with malice intent, I would never EVER believe that.

Erica: I wouldn’t believe you would spread my business either but you did Billie!

Teairra: Well, coming from me erica it wasn’t malice intent. I was there as well; I don’t think Billie thought it would be back repeated in the way it was repeated. Both me and Kaylani said it wasn’t malice but one person said otherwise chile.

Billie: Not with malice intent. My god, I was literally having your back or at least I thought I was. I know you have this new friendship with Harlow but for you to be so hell bent that she’s telling the truth is comical to me because all last year you were screaming from the rooftops how fake and phony she was.

Erica: I don’t think Billie would ever try to harm me intentionally I have said that because I know what talks we have had. I may or may not have just been still in my feelings about that situation and just having to talk about that again just resurfaced some feelings I felt during that moment.

The camera pans out as Teairra and Billie make a face at once another…

Erica: Harlow has been a good friend to me this year, what’s the issue with that? You both… Erica points. Wanted me to get along with her.

Billie: But you know you can call me anytime? It’s not like I wouldn’t have reassured your feelings and talked through this with you before we got in a group setting where everyone had the chance to add their input.

Teairra: Yes cordial of course, that’s not a problem! Not Harlow being up your ass. but that’s neither here nor there.

Erica: You know, I wasn’t okay with everyone putting their input in hence why I was the only one who actually said something about them all jumping on you.

Billie: And I was a fan of Harlow and cheered her on until she started meddling with my friendship.

Erica: Harlow and I had just talked before the dinner and I was in my feelings about it so for that I do apologize. I really feel as if this separation has me on edge and I don’t mean to take it out on someone I know has always had my back.

Billie: Don’t apologize Erica, just know next time let’s talk before we get in a group setting. I’ve always loved and supported you and I feel like I’ve shown nothing but that to you.

Erica: Absolutely. I won’t even bring the situation up anymore chile… it’s done and I believe you.

Teairra’s Confessional: Honestly, it seems as though the bugs being put in Erica’s ear to break up her and Billie’s friendship were starting to work a little bit. I think that’s what everyone wants, a Billie and Erica beef and it’s like for what? What does anyone gain from that?

Erica: I do wanna ask though, is there an issue with Harlow’s and I’s friendship? More so from you Teairra because Harlow did tell me that the other ladies feel as if you’re jealous.

Billie: I think you should watch out for her. She’s been talking a lot of shit about Teairra.

Erica: Erica sips her drink. I feel like all of Teairra’s “friends” have because Devyn attacking Teairra’s husband yesterday was insane as well.

Teairra: What? She said that?

Billie: Devyn was downright WRONG for what she said about Teairra’s husband.

Teairra: Jealous is a big word. Teairra laughs. And Devyn is exactly who everyone told me she was.

Billie: She only is your friend for beneficial gain and that’s a FACT.

Teairra: And the audacity of her to try and talk to me and say she misses me afterwards? like did she forget to take her meds or something? She should be lucky I didn’t want the trip to end early.

Erica: Harlow did say that Amal and Devyn said you’re jealous and basically tried to get her to drop me in favor of you. I will say, Harlow says she loves you but I do feel like once again people are trying to put her against people for their own joy and entertainment

Teairra: So Harlow, Amal, and Devyn? Wow.

Billie: I think Harlow had a hand in that Information. I think the real reason Harlow didn’t want to come to dinner is because a few minutes before the dinner I overheard her and Devyn out in the hall of the house talking about your situation T!

Erica: Devyn only is your friend for beneficial gain and that’s a FACT. I told Teairra this last year. Devyn has no friends last year and needed someone to boost her confidence when facing the group.

Teairra: My situation? What were they saying? This is all news to me!

Erica: Not about the husband…

Teairra: Oh, is it the fake tea about him being “fired” that she brought to the table?

Billie: Yes, Harlow was telling Devyn what she had heard about your husbands situation with the hospital.

Erica’s Confessional: I was labeled this she devil in dreads last year for bringing up Teairra’s legal situation last year, but now, all this year, every one of these bitches have something to say on Donte. It’s a bit hypocritical and really shows me who these girls are.

Teairra: Teairra shakes her head. Oh, this is all too weird to me. I literally just felt my blood start to boil. Teairra takes a breath. And this was before I even addressed Devyn. So, she clearly felt a way. And Harlow chiming in? The one who’s back I had when Erica was going to whoop her ass last year!? Got it.

Billie: Harlow was the one that told Devyn to bring it up at the dinner! Then she didn’t even come!

Teairra’s Confessional: Hearing all this information being spewed my way from Devyn and Harlow’s direction is really showing me that every bitch in Twitter is fraudulent, I mean you think a bitch is your friend and they switch like the weather. At this point, I don’t care if it’s true or false, I already feel a way about those bitches this is just an addition.

Erica: Whew and y’all wonder why I was so hesitant about coming on this trip. Erica lets out a laugh.

Teairra: And this is supposed to be a bonding trip…I can’t keep it in, I’m sorry it’ll just piss me off more.

Erica: You should definitely bring it up, it’s weird energy.

Billie’s Confessional: Look, Harlow and Devyn are not the perfect people they try and portray themselves. I see them for who they are.

Billie: Listen, let’s cheers to us three girls never being fake and phony like these girls can be!

As the Ladies clink their glasses together and continue to talk the scene quickly shifts, as we see Devyn and grace laying out yoga mats in the backyard of the rental home and the scene continues…

Grace’s Confessional: So, it’s a new day a bright sunny morning in the trees and I woke up to do some yoga, and I thought why not invite Devyn. She shocked me at how pleasant she was to me last night. Billie’s delusional ramble also made me realize that maybe it’s time I let past things go.

Grace: Morning Doctor! I’ve organized our places out here. We’ve got some fruit salad too, look!

Devyn: Devyn takes a deep breath. Okay, I’m coming. I love some fruit salad.

Grace: I’m happy you came this morning. Last night was messy, huh?

Devyn: Boy was it. Billie learned a great lesson about fucking around and finding out.

Grace: I mean, Billie seems to have a lot of issues. One of them being not being able to be a good friend it seems.

Devyn: A lot. I thought we were rebuilding trust, but I guess not.

Grace: It’s really scared because I did too, the calls, the texts, the lunches and spending time together seems to have meant… nothing.

Devyn: I meant it when I said I trust Billie the least in this group.

Grace: And it made me think about you, and how you’ve been going through that.

Devyn’s Confessional: I’m not going to lie. I’m heartbroken by Billie’s actions. Devyn begins to tear up. Why do I keep doing this to myself.

Grace: Billie isn’t that good of an actress let’s be real, but she’s played me that’s for sure.

Devyn: Yeah same. I didn’t know y’all were doing all of that.

Grace’s Confessional: What’s Billie been in that’s been a success? Anyone? I’ll wait. Grace laughs.

Devyn: She made it seem like y’all barely saw each other, and were associating more than friending. If you get my drift.

Grace: Yeah, I thought we got super close, we spent a lot of time together. But I guess it’s not cool to be my friend. But listen… Grace holds Devyn’s hand. I am telling you this morning in front of these trees that are older than me, that I am letting go of our past issues I want to move forward with you. We had some great times. I don’t want to fight anymore. I forget what we are even mad at each other for.

Devyn: Devyn squeezes Grace’s hand. Thank you for saying that. I want to move forward as well. We are better friends than enemies. I don’t know why we were mad either. Devyn laughs. That’s how stupid and petty it was.

Grace: I want to be friends again.

Grace’s Confessional: Devyn is a lot of fun, it might not seem it at times, but she is and we had some great times. I want to be a better friend and realize it’s not all them and I do have my faults.

Devyn: Devyn grabs a fork to eat some fruit. Me too Gracie. Here, eat this strawberry. Devyn feeds Grace as she eats the strawberry. We are really friends now! That took trust.

Devyn’s Confessional: I miss Grace. I guess I’m realizing right now just how much. We had so much fun together, and life and so-called friends just got in the way. Never again.

Devyn: Devyn tears up. I’m sorry for hurting you, Grace. I really am.

Grace: Don’t cry! You can’t afford the wrinkles!!

Devyn: Devyn dabs tears and laughs. You’re so right. Devyn fans her face. I did read your book a few months ago, and I understand you so much better. I didn’t know how much you’ve really been through. I’m sorry for the times you felt alone in this group. You didn’t deserve that.

Grace: Grace tears up. Wow, I didn’t expect you to make me cry this morning! It’s one of my biggest fears, to be alone. I didn’t like it last night; nobody had my back. Nobody can see the real me with these cameras.

Grace’s Confessional: I am real and I am me. On and off the camera. I thought I had friends here, Billie made me feel like I have nobody.

Devyn: Devyn pauses. I felt alone a lot of last season with the allegations. Last year was rough. I’m sorry I didn’t have your back. I’ll do better I promise.

Grace: Last year was rough for all of us, look at Luci and I. Never would I have ever thought she and I would be broken up and her in jail. Life finds a way Dev, whether we like it or not.

Devyn: Let’s find a way sister. How are you and Amal?

Grace: Amal and I, that’s another story. I don’t know what is happening there.

Devyn: I really want y’all to be friends.

Grace: And to be honest I have a lot going on, I don’t need the theatrics anymore

Devyn: Same sister. Same. Are you ready for this hike in a little bit? I hope no one falls off a cliff. We don’t have time for drama. Like at all.

Grace: Well, let’s just not say her name, and go get ready to get our hike on! Grace hugs Devyn. I’m glad we talked.

Grace’s Confessional: VIEWERS ARE WELCOME!! The pointless feud is over! Praise the lord!

As the two Ladies get up from the camera quickly transitions one more time, as we see Amal, Kaylani, and Harlow pulling up outside a quaint café in town as the scene continues…

Amal’s Confessional: Last night was a bit of a disaster so this morning Kaylani, Harlow and I are going out for breakfast to debrief on the events of the evening.

Kaylani: Can we get three orange mimosas please? I think we would like that.

Amal: Oh, this place looks so cute.

Harlow: It does look cute. The Ladies take their seats. What happened last night? I feel like I missed a lot.

Amal: Oh girl… Amal rolls her eyes. Last night was a disaster. It was the definition of a shit show I don’t even know how it started but it became Billie versus the girls. It was really quite shocking.

Harlow: Tell me everything. Are the mimosas done yet?

Amal’s Confessional: I feel like I have an emotional hangover. Well, that and an actual hangover but the emotional one is more prominent.

Kaylani: The question is what didn’t happen. It actually started off peaceful until Billie suggested we play a game. It was a trust game. What was that game called who all doesn’t trust Billie or something like that? Kaylani laughs.

Harlow: Wait, so she made the dinner about herself?

Amal: Amal laughs. She wanted to play a game about who each of the girls trust the least.

Harlow: Oh god. I should’ve been there.

Amal: Let’s just say, it didn’t go so well for our dear friend Billie

Harlow: How did the stuff with Billie ignite?

Amal: I think she got least trust worthy from Erica, Devyn, Grace and you, right Kaylani?

Kaylani: Yes, Billie is a mess and I’m just realizing this because we’ve been long time friends but ever since we been in the same social circle… I’m seeing her true colors.

Harlow: I honestly do see why Billie is the least trustworthy to each of these women. She’s revealed stuff about Erica and seems like she’s trying to run away from what she said.

Amal: See, I don’t see it. I don’t really think Billie has done anything to warrant the gangbang she received last night.

Kaylani: Billie was airing all of Erica business out if you remember at the charity event but then acts like she doesn’t recollect what she said. I wouldn’t trust her either and Erica is a fool if she allows someone back into her space that aired out her dirty laundry.

Harlow’s Confessional: I don’t get why Amal is saying Billie didn’t deserve it. I wasn’t there, but I can tell why she got attacked. She was low key being messy and she got bad karma.

Harlow: Billie was being messy and was trying to run away from it, but it backfired.

Kaylani’s Confessional: Now Amal, do we know the same Billie here those lips are more like weapons. Billie deserves everything she got last night.

Kaylani: She allow those dry soap opera dramas to become her reality. I thought of Billie as my sister but now I don’t know the way she’s been acting. I’ve never seen that side of Billie before, it was like meeting a new person.

Amal: I’ve only ever seen Billie be a really good friend. She seems very caring to me and even if she was this big bad mouther that everyone is making her out to be, I don’t think she should be getting a pile on whilst Grace sits there and doesn’t even provide an explanation for her lateness to the trip.

Harlow: I love Billie, don’t get me wrong. She’s a wonderful person and I consider her to be a good friend of mine, but her actions lately with her messiness and untrustworthy actions really doesn’t interest me.

Kaylani: Yeah, it seems like a new Billie not the welcoming sister I once knew.

Amal: Well, that isn’t the only issue that happened last night. Grace and I ended up getting into it again.

Harlow: Oh goodness. Didn’t you guys just apologize?!

Amal: We did! I don’t even know how we got into it. I honestly think I had a few too many drinks and looked at her saggy face and droopy breasts and couldn’t keep it in any longer.

Harlow: Harlow laughs. Amal, you are just one of a kind! What did you guys say to each other?

Amal’s Confessional: There’s a lot that I know about Grace. She likes to live these two lives. The one that she shows the girls where she presents herself as this self-made millionaire who shames others if they step one inch out of line and then there’s this other life. This other life where she sleeps around with porn stars and gets up to all of these shady business practices.

Amal: Amal sighs. Here’s the thing girls, there was a reason why Grace showed up late to this trip. Amal looks around to make sure no one can overhear me. I need you guys to promise not to say anything

Kaylani and Harlow nod and lean in closer to listen to Amal’s tea…

Amal: Amal takes a deep breath. Okay, so before the trip I received a pre-paid call from one of our old friends, Harlow…it was Luci.

Harlow: Harlow gasps. From jail?!? Holy fucking shit. What did she say?!

Amal: She shared with me that Grace is currently facing a lawsuit regarding the champagne business the two launched last year. It’s why Grace has had to reschedule this launch she’s been planning. The manufacturers of the champagne are claiming they haven’t received payment and are seeking damages in excess of a million dollars.

Harlow: Wait what?!? Wait so do you think that she’ll end up where Luci is?!

Kaylani: So that’s why she wasn’t on the trip at the beginning.

Amal: I’m not sure. I don’t know if there’s talk of criminal charges as well but I think she’s in some really hot water right now

Harlow: Oh my god. This is not good for Grace.

Amal: I guess we could say, Grace has fallen from grace.

Kaylani’s Confessional: Well, I don’t know much about Grace friend/ business partner, but let just say I see why they started a business together. Birds of a feather flock together.

Harlow: Au revoir to Grace’s money then.

Amal: Amal snickers at Harlow. Should we finish these then head back? I think we’re going mountain climbing with the girls.

As the girls finish their mimosas and continue chatting, the scene quickly moves forward as we see all the Ladies back at the house, as they get their workout clothes on and all load into SUVs. The camera then pans over a shot from the peak of the Poconos Mountains, before a clip of the Ladies’ SUVs pulling up at the base of the Mountain. We then watch as we see clips of the Ladies walking up the mountain on their hike, before the scene begins as they reach the peak where a woman is standing awaiting them…

Mooki (Energy Healer): Welcome gorgeous Ladies, welcome, welcome. Mooki tings her triangle. COME! COME into this healing space. Feel the vibrations as you reach the top!

Grace: She’s older than me, right?!

Harlow’s Confessional: I don’t know what I’m doing but I don’t believe in witchcraft.

Harlow: I think she’s younger Grace!

Billie: We need all the good vibrations we can get Snooki.

Amal: Amal gets startled by the sound of the triangle. What in the- Amal looks around.

Teairra: Teairra walks slowly and hesitantly towards the lady. Oh hello…

Harlow: Harlow whispers to Grace. Is this witchcraft? If so I’m bowing out gracefully.

Amal: Amal sits down in front of Mooki. Hello Miss Mountain Lady. How are you?

Teairra’s Confessional: I’ve hard lots of things about hippies and honey…they weren’t always positive. Maybe I should’ve brought my Jesus necklace today if II knew we would encounter one like HER! Like she’s a top-level hippie.

Devyn: Devyn starts walking. Dear Lord, help us. I’m tired already.

Amal: Billie!! Come! Come sit next to me!

Mooki: SILENCE!! Mooki claps. Now you are here to heal, to feel and to be real. Let go of your inner angst and let it out to the mountains, mother is here and that mother is… nature. I want to go around this healing circle, starting with you… Mooki points to Harlow. And you will tell us and Mother Nature what you are letting go of today. Once you are done, you SCREAM. Once you scream, you pick the next person.

Billie: Amal, I know you won’t push me off this cliff.

Amal’s Confessional: Sorry but did this lady say she wants us to scream at the mountain? Why? What did the mountain ever do to me?

Devyn: Oh boy. We tried something similar last night. But let’s do this.

Harlow: Me first? Oh. Okay. Harlow looks around. Um. I’m going to be letting go negativity that has come from my divorce and stress from trying to make everything in my life perfect. Harlow starts to scream like she is in a horror movie.

Mooki: You are more than these ladies, focus on the truth and the realness. Forget these man-made storyteller machines! FEEL!

Harlow: Harlow starts to cry. That was emotional.

Teairra’s Confessional: I wonder if mother nature and the mountains would take the information and spread it like these bitches in this group.

Amal: Miss Mooki? I think Harlow has screamed

Harlow: I think her name is Pookie!

Mooki: MOOKI. Harlow, who do you pick to be next. Be quick ladies I have another booking at 4. Mooki looks at her watch.

Harlow: I’ll choose Grace!

Grace: Oh Jesus… Grace looks around and closes her eyes. I’m letting go of the fear of losing the life I have, losing it all. I want to remember I have everything I need as long as I am happy. I want to remember to be happy. And I’m letting go of friends who betray me! Grace screams. I pick Erica next.

Teairra’s Confessional: Is Grace talking about death right now?

Amal: Amal whispers. Very moving Gracie.

Grace’s Confessional: What can I say? I’m scared of losing millions of dollars and the entire life I’ve built by myself because of a friend who betrayed me?

Mooki is seen sprinkling healing glitter over the ladies as they continue the exercise…

Amal: Oh, no thank you. I just had a blowout before coming up here.

Harlow: Is this some witch glitter?

Kaylani’s Confessional: Now I just got a silk press and here goes Mooki spraying glitter around?

Grace: Grace coughs on glitter and tears up. Wow, this is actually beautiful.

Erica: Erica does a cross over my body and breathes. I’m letting go of solely blaming myself and everyone around me for the downfall of my marriage. I know marriage is a hard thing and I know no one can penetrate a fortress unless there are cracks. I’m letting go of my past life and looking forward to the future. Erica screams.

Teairra: Teairra nods. Oh, this is going well actually.

Billie: Very moving Erica! Let it out!

Kaylani: Wow Erica, that was beautiful.

We then watch as Grace claps for Erica….

Erica: Thank you ladies. Erica wipes her tears. Kaylani, would you like to go next?

Mooki: NO CLAPPING. Let mother hear her cries!

We watch as the Ladies make faces and begin to laugh at Mooki…

Harlow: Harlow mumbles under her breath. Shut your mouth your decaying rooster.

The camera then pans over to Kaylani…

Kaylani: Yes, well something I want to let go is feeling of being insecure and defensive and feeling as though I always have to stand my ground in my marriage and friendships to prove my worth. I’m not a monster and inside I’m just a scared little girl afraid to lose what I built. Kaylani looks at the mountains taking a deep breath and then screams. Next, I want Billie to go. I think it’s time for her.

Devyn: That was beautiful.

Mooki is seen chanting and dancing as the ladies sob and scream…

Harlow: I’m scared, is she putting spells onto us?!

Billie: Okay I’ll go. I’m letting go the fear that I have with my legal situation. I need to do what’s best for me and not feel bad about it. I’d also like to let go of my anger towards some of you ladies. You ladies know what I’m going through and still harass me. Billie screams. You go ahead Amal.

Amal: Amal holds Billie’s hand. You got this babe.

Grace’s Confessional: Billie is like, feel bad for me, I have a legal situation! How dare you challenge me for how poorly I treat you because I have a legal situation! Please!

Devyn’s Confessional: It’s clear Billie didn’t understand her own game last night, or this mountain healing screaming thingamabob we’re doing.

Amal: Billie, I want to thank you for being so vulnerable. Amal takes a deep breath. I have a lot I want to let go of… Amal starts to tear up before she begins. Oh wow… umm,I want to let go of the trauma from the last few years. The torment I faced at the hands of my ex-husband and some of my friends… I want to let go of the life I thought Tommy and I were building together. You know when we first met, we were so in love and against all odds we persevered but sometimes life doesn’t go the way we want it to, you know? We have dreams that are shattered right before our very eyes. Amal starts to sob and is unable to scream as she tries.

We watch as the camera pans around several of the women’s skeptical faces…

Billie: You got this! Let out them demons I mean emotions girl!

Grace: Wow, let it out.

Mooki: CRY CRY, MOTHER HEARS YOU!

Erica’s Confessional: Bitch you almost had me… the torment from her friends? Can we rewind all of last year back? She tormented this whole damn cast last year and she wasn’t even on the SHOW. Girl… please the save the tears.

Devyn: Feel it all Amal.

Erica: Erica whispers to Teairra. The crocodile tears are killing me.

Amal finally screams as she lets out a giant yell…

Amal: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Devyn, you’re up Queen.

Devyn: I want to let go of my perfectionism. I want to let go of my fear of failure. I want to forgive myself for giving my son up for adoption. Devyn starts crying. I want to stop being so defensive all the damn time. I don’t have to defend my degree, or my success. I want to move past my mom abandoning me. I don’t need her approval and I need to stop trying. I want to stop fighting the inner fight of my sexuality. I married the same man when he was an ex for a reason trying to avoid disappointing my family by being a lesbian. And that was a mistake. Devyn screams whilst crying.

Kaylani: Oh wow, that was beautiful Devyn.

Teairra’s Confessional: Womp, womp, womp like … is she a lesbian or is she bisexual? I’m sure lesbians don’t have husbands. Teairra makes a face. Maybe she’s confused?

Erica: Whew. Do we like clap now?

Devyn’s Confessional: I should be a proud bisexual woman. But I’ve never really been proud. Only ashamed. My family just doesn’t understand that. When I’m with a woman it doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian. I’m bisexual in a lesbian preventing relationship.

Devyn: Go ahead Teairra. I pick you.

Teairra: Well, I’m not looking for a sob story but I would like to let go of my past in general, and I would like to let go of all the trauma and backlash I’ve dealt with when it comes to my marriage. I want all of that WASHED from my memory and I would most importantly like to let go of the fake bitches in my life who claim to love me but show me otherwise. Teairra screams loudly.

Mooki: Thank you all. Mooki thanks you, mother thanks you. Now, we stand, now we head to the edge and we scream together.

We watch as all the ladies and Mooki scream as they all hold hands…

Mooki: A healing has occurred today ladies. Thank you. Mooki holds out a cap with some $1 bills. Please tip Mooki.

Devyn: Nothing about that sounds like healing but okay…

Teairra: Teairra screams and donates to Mooki. That actually felt amazing.

Amal’s Confessional: Not Mooki the healer asking for tips? Maybe screaming in the mountains isn’t as lucrative a business as I thought… Amal laughs.

We watch as the Ladies begin their trek down the mountain as the scene begins to shift. We watch as the women, all in swimsuits begin to walk out of the rental home and load back into the SUVs, before the scene quickly transitions to the river where we see the Ladies arriving once more and walking along the river towards some kayaks as the scene continues…

Erica: Erica walks in front of the group to the river. Whew, how long have we been walking?

Erica’s Confessional: So today we’re attempting to continue our bonding process and hopefully have some more fun on this trip. There has been so much underline tension within this group so hopefully a little fun and water just help these girls loosen up since there’s no dick around. Besides, if they do still feel angry, a little push into the water won’t hurt nobody.

Teairra: I think we finally made it honey.

Harlow: Harlow fans herself. It’s so hot in the Poconos.

The camera pans to Grace in her athletic attire, followed by a show of the rest of the group in their swimsuits…

Amal’s Confessional: What in the sketchers is going on with Grace’s footwear? I know we’re in the Poconos but come on girl…

Teairra: I hope Grace has a swimsuit under there!

As the Ladies chat, we watch Mooki the Healer strolling up to the river where the Ladies stand…

Mooki (Mountain Healer?): Ladies, LADIESSSS, over here! Y’all made it! So y’all are gonna paddle down the river now, we have a wonderful supper prepared for y’all at the end. Now…I’ve assigned pairs based on my limited knowledge. Billie, Grace get in the first one! Devyn, Teairra you take this’en. Mooki points. Amalia and Erica, this is yours. And finally, this one is for Harlow and Kaylani. Y’all get in! I’ll be seeing y’all at the end. Mooki begins to walk off into the forest.

Teairra: Oh. Teairra looks around.

Billie: I have to get in with Grace? What if she Drowns me?

Erica: Cute… Erica gets in the boat whipping her hair. Now how do we drive this thing?

Grace: There’s no twittering whilst we kayak Billie!

Kaylani: Harlow girl, this about to be a team effort cause I never done this before. Kaylani gets in the kayak as it tilts. Oh Jesus!

Billie: My phone is back at the house, hopefully where you left that attitude of yours! Billie laughs.

Grace’s Confessional: Good lord, Mooki really has left me with a new challenge today, not to whack some sense into Billie.

We then watch as all three kayaking begin to paddle away from the shore. We see a split screen of all four kayaks as they struggle beginning to take off, before the cameras focus in on Billie and Grace’s kayak…

Grace: Oh that’s cute Billie, no chance for you to call the press and sell more fake stories on me or spew your weird lies!

Billie: Billie looks at Grace with paddle in hand. Oh, how about you getting on Twitter talking about my lawsuit to all of Twitter. You know TMZ didn’t call me about you.

Grace’s Confessional: Billie has been all over the press talking about me, like, it’s weird. Don’t you have a job?

Grace: Billie, you wanna go then I told you we can go! You started it, for some reason I cannot fathom. We were friends 48 hours ago and you chose to talk to the press about me. Grace splashes Billie with her paddle. Oops! Don’t tell TMZ I did that!!

Billie: I started it how? Because I spoke MY truth. I don’t think you fit in with this group and I stand by that. It’s not a bad thing if you don’t fit in anywhere else, I think you’re more suited for women your age. Billie starts shaking the kayak. I’ll flip this thing over don’t try me!

Grace: You want to talk about fitting in? You’re a washed-up actress with a dodgy mouth. And you’re telling me I don’t fit in? Who are you to tell me where I belong and where I don’t? Keep my name out of your mouth or you’ll be sorry.

Billie: And I own everything I say Grace! At least if I say it I stand on it. I’ll be sorry? Billie laughs. Wow Grace. You couldn’t scare me if you wanted to. I’d worry about getting out of bankruptcy from that champagne business before you speak on me.

Grace’s Confessional: It’s like so random that Billie chose to attack me in the press and then all of a sudden make all of these remarks that make no sense or have any value. Makes sense because you know Billie is lying when her lips move.

Grace: A business you wanted to be involved in two weeks ago! Shut your mouth, I’m so done with your fake ass.

As Billie and Grace are seen arguing, the camera pans out and we focus in on Devyn and Teairra as they paddle along…

Devyn: Devyn hears Grace screaming. Well then… seems like they are enjoying themselves.

Teairra: Yeah, well I’m not, can you like, help? I’m doing all the work. Teairra tries to continue to paddle in the boat.

Devyn: It would help if we paddled in the same direction. Right then left. You paddling against the tide.

Teairra: Well, I don’t do this usually my husband does it! Teairra continues to paddle the wrong way. You can give an example.

Devyn’s Confessional: Jesus, why did I get stuck with city slicker. She knows nothing about this. But I’ll keep trying. Hopefully we make it before desert.

Devyn: Let’s go. Please don’t flip the kayak over. Have some Grace about it.

Teairra: Teairra holds onto the kayak and her hat tightly. I know we aren’t on the best terms right now but if you’re trying to kill me, we can pull it over to the shore!

Devyn: This isn’t a car, Teairra. And I don’t kill people. I don’t look good in black and white stripes. You also aren’t worth my freedom. We could be on better terms if you didn’t tell people I was ignoring you. Devyn is seen paddling while Teairra holds her hat. Sit on that damn hat and paddle. I swear solo kayaks exist.

Teairra: Well, if I feel a way, I’m going to say that you should know that by now, shouldn’t you?

Devyn: How about you come to me about it instead of others?

Teairra: I’d rather pay you dust like I’ve been doing, unfortunately I’m stuck in a kayak due to a hippie.

Devyn: You know my phone number, fax number, email address, and you happen to be in my close friends on IG. If you want to talk, you know how to do it. Dust all you can afford these days? I’m sorry Teairra.

Teairra: I should be telling you this, you’d rather act weird just like the slick shade you just did right there. You didn’t put a penny into this trip, you could’ve at least got a new bikini. Teairra looks away and looks at the tide.

Devyn: Aren’t you the host? If I needed to pitch in, I would have. But we have a chef because I pitched in.

Teairra: You didn’t do a damn thing, girl bye. Where are they?

As tense music reaches a boiling point, the scene pivots once more and we see Amal and Erica paddling along as Amal whistles the tune to LoT’s theme song, “Fake Ass Bitches…”

Erica: Erica starts swerving in the Kayak as Amal whistles. What if I just… Erica jerks the boat.

Amal: Amal turns around. Girl, you better not!! Amal laughs. With all the silicon in me, I might sink to the bottom of this ocean.

Erica: I think the new ass might help you float. Erica laughs. It’s okay if you sink, I’ll just watch from the boat

Amal’s Confessional: A Producer asks, “Amal, you know you are in a river and not an ocean?” before Amal replies, “What’s the difference?”

Erica: Kidding, of course… Erica giggles.

Amal: The drowning of Amal. Something you’ve probably been wishing about for a while. Amal laughs. Not anymore though!

Erica: The drowning, the strangulation, whew, the ass beating! Erica laughs. The list goes on. I will say that whilst we are away from the group, I no longer blame you for problems in my marriage.

Amal: Amal turns around. Really? Amal grabs Erica’s hand. That really means a lot. Oh shit! The kayak starts to rock. Oh shit! Oh shit! Amal falls out of the kayak and into river laughing hysterically. Girl!! Save me!!

Erica: Oh no, no, bitch this is human hair! Erica holds out the paddle. Ise the ass to float bitch!

Amal: Amal laughs. ERICA!!! Help me back in bitch! Amal grabs onto the paddle and starts to pull but accidentally pulls Erica into the water as well. NOT THE HUMAN HAIR!!

Erica: Erica flops into the water. PIMP DOWN BITCH, PIMP DOWN! WHERE IS MOOKIE?

Amal: SPOOKY MOOKI! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE NOW.

Amal then goes under then water and pushes Erica back into the boat. Amal then pulls herself back into the kayak…

Amal: What in the adult baptism is going on in this river?

Erica: Oh bitch, you strong. Erica laughs. I think we needed that!

Erica’s Confessional: I can say I was VERY upset with Amal but I’m taking everything in and today just reminds me of the friendship we once did share. So hopefully, we can just start to move forward and Teairra maybe this trip is working.

As the two laugh and continue to paddle, the camera transitions to Kaylani and Harlow in the final kayak…

Kaylani: Kaylani paddles the boat moving her arms up and down as the boat goes the opposite direction. Harlow, help me girl this boat is going the wrong way we might be going the opposite way towards the picnic.

Harlow: Oh god! Harlow rows her paddle. Are we even moving?

The camera pans to show Harlow and Kaylani heading towards where they started…

Harlow: How do I paddle? I only am a charter guest!

Kaylani: No HARLOW, I think we going the opposite direction girl.

Harlow: Oh shit. Harlow pushes her paddle. I think we’re moving? Harlow looks around.

Kaylani’s Confessional: Girl, have we ever heard of an uber or something cause my arms are tired chile and me and Harlow is not even moving. Lord Jesus take the wheels or should I say paddles. Kaylani laughs.

Kaylani: Oh my god, my braids in the water you know. I cannot get my hair wet Jesus. You think you can hold the fort down right quick? Kaylani begins tying her hair up.

Harlow: I think I can! The kayak then crashes into the rock as both women scream. Are we gonna sink?

Harlow’s Confessional: I was not born to swim. I’ve watched Titanic too many times. I’m not trying to end my life like Jack. Hell to the no!

Kaylani: Oh Jesus, Harlow I’m too fabulous for this. Kaylani cries. I hope you know how to swim Harlow, cause you’re gonna have to help me.

Harlow: Okay wait, I think we’re safe! Harlow starts rowing. This Mooki girl scares the living crap out of me.

Kaylani: Oh thank god, okay Harlow, let’s sing a song so we can get into the spirit. Kayalni begins to sing. ROW, ROW, ROLL YOUR BOAT cause I need to calm down. I’m gonna need a drink after this shit. Kaylani laughs and begins to row. This is a workout!

Harlow: I can feel the six pack growing! Harlow chuckles.

As the pair finally begin the trip to the picnic, the camera shifts as we transition to later in the hour and see all four kayaks making their way towards the shore where Mooki is standing once more…

Mooki: LADIESSSSSS, laddiessssss! Over here, park them over here. Mooki looks at the damage to two of the kayaks. Well…seems like y’all have adjusted to the elements! We have been cook in’ y’all up a tasty lunch, sit down at the picnic tables and dig in.

Billie: Billie looks concerned. What’s for lunch Mooki?

Mooki: We fixed y’all up some traditional deer burgers with all the fixing and several potato sides!

Harlow: Harlow gasps and covers her mouth. Deer?!

Erica: Not Bambi…

Devyn: Deer burgers? Dear God.

Billie: DEER BURGERS?

Grace: I love a potato.

Amal: Sorry ma’am, did you say deer? As in Bambi?

Harlow: Is there service?! I’m about to door dash!

Billie: Like did you guys skin alive a deer and gut it, like a fish?

Teairra’s Confessional: Deer burgers? Is that really a thing? I’ve heard of deer jerky but…

Erica: Do you have any alternatives? Suddenly I’m vegetarian

Mooki: Fresh off the deer and cleaned this week girls! Enjoy.

Mooki walks away as the Ladies begin to sit around the picnic table…

Billie: Oh, I guess we are all stuck with this!

Grace: Okay, I’ll be needing a McDonald’s or something on the way back.

Harlow: I’m about to catch a fish!

Kaylani: Where their fresh out of cows or something?

Erica: Harlow, please catch two. Erica laughs.

Harlow: How do you catch a fish again?!

Harlow’s Confessional: I wasn’t born for water. I love staying on the shore, tanning.

Amal: With your hands Harlow!

Erica: Erica sits down at the table. Well, I’m hungry and I am gonna try this deer okay, okay!

Billie: Billie take a bite of the deer burger. It’s actually not bad ladies! If you are hungry you will eat!

Amal: Oh, it smells like wagyu…

Kaylani’s Confessional: Ya know? Bambi don’t taste half bad… Kaylani laughs.

Erica: So, is everyone a little bit more at ease after kayaking? I had fun!

Grace: Ladies, if it’s okay I’d like to say something real quick…

Teairra: Oh — Teairra looks at Grace.

Billie: All rise for Queen Grace, she’s speaking Ladies!

Grace: Billie, I didn’t like how angry I got in the kayak. You’re a very good paddler despite those skinny arms, so I apologize for splashing you. I guess I’m just so confused why you all of a sudden have the hots for me and are like, coming for me and telling me I don’t belong at this table. I just want to know why you’re all of a sudden so angry at me.

Grace’s Confessional: Don’t forget Billie and I spent a lot of time together off season, and we know each other and have confided in each other a LOT. like I said I could go there with her, but I don’t want to. I want to know what I could have done for her to be treating me this way.

Billie: Grace, I have told you it wasn’t that I had an issue with you. For me, why I said what I said was simply because I don’t see you try and engage with these ladies. You’ve been great to me, but I think you could try more with these girls. I know they’re not your regular Sally, Suzan and Carol that you’re use to hanging with. I would just like to see you branch out of your busy life and engage with the girls. It just feels a bit elitist to me. Billie shrugs.

Devyn: Grace is trying.

Billie: Trust me I’m nowhere near some of these spring chickens, but I try and get to know them outside of these cameras! We are supposed to be sisterhood. That’s all.

Grace: What are you even talking about? I have relationships with everyone at this table. You’re talking out of your ass Billie and it’s not okay.

Tense music begins to play as the camera pans back and forth between Billie and Grace…

Billie: Okay then. Let me ask the table, Grace. Raise your hand if any of you would hang out with Grace if we weren’t filming and you weren’t being paid to?

The camera then pans out to a shot of the full table as they awkwardly look around at one another as the screen fades to black…

TO BE CONTINUED

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Ladies of Twitter

Ladies of Twitter is a fictional virtual reality series on Twitter. Catch up on all 15 seasons, and catch season 16’s new episodes Sundays & Wednesdays HERE!